Seven ways to holiday like a seasoned A-lister
From pearls to Panama hats, Charlie Gowans-Eglinton has your guide to holidaying in style...
School's out, and the great and good of Hollywood, LA, London and other cities with exorbitant property prices and high celeb-to-pleb ratios have fled their city piles for a well-earned break.
Those of us in the pleb category may not have the super yachts or private planes, but that needn't stop us from holidaying like the beautiful people. These seven rules will make sure you don't put a foot wrong - which, incidentally, should be bare of polish: bare nails are the new mani-pedis, which will cut down on your holiday prep…
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#GeneBragging is the new #SquadGoals
It's no longer about holidaying with a posse of body-beautiful friends (all in coordinating outfits) and Instagramming the living daylights out of each other; this year, it's all about the #GeneBrag. For this one, you'll need a stylish mum (or daughter) and an aspirational-but-relatable backdrop for this showcase of your win in the genetic lottery: see Holly Willoughby's beach snap of her 71-year-old mum Linda in her swimsuit with the hashtags #glammam #glamgran, and Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson exploring cobbled Italian streets fresh from a 37k cycle - extra points for the matching panamas. And on that note...
Panama hats are the new XXL floppy brims
Practicality and fashionability don't always, or even often, go hand in hand. Case in point: Jacquemus' uber-wide-brimmed floppy beach hats, shown on the catwalks for spring/summer '18 and roughly the size of a parasol. Thankfully, the hat de la saison is a panama or fedora of normal proportions. Early adopters - as well as Goldie, Kate and Linda Willoughby - include Gwyneth Paltrow, Linda Evangelista and Eva Longoria.
Dettol wipe family packs are the new turning left
The latest status travel accessory, as loved by no less exacting a person than Naomi Campbell, can be yours for less than a fiver. While you won't find her flying economy, you too can get the A-list travel experience with just a pack of Dettol wipes. A five-minute video of the supermodel donning a pair of plastic gloves and wet-wiping her plane seat, screen, remote, tray-table - basically everything bar the flight attendant - has accrued nearly 1.3 million views on her YouTube channel.
Pearls are the new puka shells
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's 14k gold and ethically sourced baroque pearl drop earrings - worn with a towel turban for that high/low mix - are made to order by London label By Pariah; try Net-a-Porter for real pearls on a smaller budget or H&M and Accessorize for faux-pearls under a tenner - no muscle required.
Shadow selfies are the new bikini selfies
Time was that the best way to show off your thigh gap (no, me neither) was with an artful snap looking down the sun lounger towards the water, perhaps with a worthy beach-read just visible. But since the "hot dogs or legs" question was raised, those wanting to show off hours spent in the gym have had to get a bit more creative. Supermodels Cindy Crawford and Elle Macpherson have cracked it - now you just need to decorate your patch of sand and spend 15 minutes finding the right camera angle.
Rash vests are the new bare chests
Having freed the nipple, we are now all conscientiously covering them up. What with news that sun creams are either oxidising on our skin and creating wrinkles or releasing chemicals - either into our blood streams or the ocean, where they damage our reefs - covering up has become a signifier of wokeness. Even French women are eschewing topless sunbathing - mais oui! - according to a new survey by the French Institute of Public Opinion. Only 19 per cent now regularly sunbathe topless, compared to 29 per cent three years ago, and 43 per cent in the mid-Eighties.
Rubber rings are the new inflatable unicorns
Novelty blow-ups say Love Island, hen dos and all-inclusive package holidays. Instead, make like the Beckhams and hit the water park (the new farmers' market?) with a jumbo doughnut big enough for the whole family - minus Victoria, who wisely opted out of the group slide (I would have too - one of the boys looks like he's holding on for dear life, and water parks make me think longingly of Naomi Campbell's Dettol wipes).