Monday 23 October 2017

Holiday hot spots

Iceland. Photo: Getty.
Iceland. Photo: Getty.
Disney World in Florida. Photo: Getty.
Wexford in Ireland's sunny south east.
Marbella.
Lanzarote.

Pat Fitzpatrick

As Barry Egan talks to model and travel guru Daniella Moyles, we have a look at some of our favourite holiday spots.

1 ICELAND

Iceland's major attraction? The absence of that bloke in a Shamrock Rovers jersey shouting, "I'd love to show ya me pigeon". (We all know he doesn't keep birds.) Posh Irish types are holidaying in Iceland now, because what's the point in having money if you have to spend it next to a northsider? It also has one major advantage over Ireland. There is no hope of good weather. Ask anyone who spent a wet fortnight sitting in a mobile home in Lahinch. It's the hope that kills you in the end.

2 MARBELLA

Certain Irish people love life in Marbella. Particularly since the alternative is life in Mountjoy, says you, under your breath, because you're afraid of baldy fellas called The Rasher. Of course, plane-loads of nouveau riche Russians were attracted to Marbs during the early Noughties. They came for the sunshine and an easy life. They stayed because the Celtic Tiger Irish tourists made them look sophisticated. #WeWereSoVulgar #Can'tWaitToDoItAgain.

3 FLORIDA

We were amazed on our first trip to the States. Apparently not every waitress in a sunny country acts as if you just puked on her dog. (The Spaniards. Slow to smile.) The strong dollar raises some questions for Irish tourists. Will I get the second mortgage required to buy a Coke in Walt Disney World? And is it OK to keep talking about my Florida trip on Facebook, so people know we're loaded? (No, but when did that ever stop you?)

4 LANZAROTE

This volcanic rock in the Canaries is the topic of every conversation in every hairdressers in Ireland. "Are you going anywhere nice on your holidays?" "No. We're going to Lanzarote." Irish holidaymakers tend to pity the poor Africans who live across the short stretch of sea. The Africans have a different view. "It is my lifetime ambition to put on a Glasgow Celtic jersey and lie face down in an all-day breakfast in Mickey McGinty's pub," they rarely say.

5 SOUTH EAST

If you had to pick one word to describe the Wexford accent, it would be nervous. You'd be nervous too, if you spent every summer running from tourists shouting, "You and your shagging sunny south-east". It's true to say Wexford is the sunniest county in Ireland.

It's also true to say that's akin to being the tallest bloke in Munchkin Land. Because what the Sunny South-East really means is - Not Quite As Wet As Sligo.

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