Friday 23 August 2019

Top five... Unhealthy Eating

Prawn crackers - just over 600 calories
Prawn crackers - just over 600 calories
Salad dressing
Mayonnaise - blame the J1 students
White bread
Fizzy drinks, otherwise known as minerals in Ireland

As well-known figures share their healthy-eating secrets, Pat Fitzpatrick takes a look at food and drink choices that aren't quite so good for you.

1 Prawn Crackers

An average serving of prawn crackers has over 600 calories. I never knew that, says you, struggling to fit in the door of your local Chinese. Of course, the Chinese restaurant is in danger of becoming extinct here now. (And not just because they have to winch diners out through the roof with a crane, so they can rush them to Fatty Bootcamps.) Some are being turned into Asian Street Food places. The transformation works as follows. 1. Change sign over door. 2. Raise prices. 3. See if anyone notices.


Stop looking for the greatest marketing campaign of all time; we have a winner. The prize goes to whoever came up with the notion that sugary water in Ireland should be known as 'a mineral'. Sure everyone knows that minerals are good for what ails you, said our parents, firing the Fanta down our throats. Couldn't agree more, said we, running around, completely off our tits on sugar. And they wonder why we associate drinking with having fun.


The rise of mayonnaise in Ireland is down to the J-1 Visa. Thousands of students went to the States for the summer, where they got the job of firing giant sandwiches into the locals. They came home with the news that mayonnaise was better than eating a packet of Tayto while having sex. (How do you mean you never tried it?) They failed to point out that your average Yank could block out the sun. The result? Oh lads, we're huge.


You can undo all the good work with a big spoon of dressing. Let's just say Thousand Island Dressing might refer to the size of a person who overdoes it. (Small islands, you'd be more like an archipelago. Still, it's not a great look.) The internet says it will take you 17 minutes to walk off the 65 calories in a tablespoon of dressing. We say that should get you to the shop and back for a sharing bag of Doritos. You know the way it is - you'd be starving after a salad.


Apparently, white bread is actually the worst thing since the sliced pan. So there goes lunch. And breakfast. And that bit an hour after dinner when you feel like you might faint. Hang on a second, though. We've seen the French and Spaniards stuffing bread into themselves when we sit next to them in their local restaurants. What's the secret to their good health, we wonder, ordering two more bottles of wine and a round of shots? 

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