Thursday 5 December 2019

The loves of my life: Comedian Alison Spittle

Comedian Alison Spittle plays Whelan's on January 22.
Comedian Alison Spittle plays Whelan's on January 22.

Holding hands with her partner and talking for hours about the first few series of Big Brother is high on comedian Alison Spittle's list of loves, though hangovers and bigotry are not so popular.

The person

My partner. We're that sickening couple who can't stop holding hands. I feel apologetic, I'm that happy with him. We both can talk for hours about the first few series of Big Brother, and that's all I want in a man

The memory

The weekend Michael Jackson died was the best weekend ever. My friends and I went to play Quasar and ended up at a 60th birthday party in Offaly. We knew no one there, and started dancing. The host was sound - he gave us some chicken balls and we all knelt to Earth Song, holding hands, screaming the chorus. My friend William clicked his fingers until they bled. We were very impressed

The moment of the day

The evening, when I get to a gig. There's no better feeling in the world - it's like doing mild drugs, but society doesn't look down on you

The song

Prefab Sprout, The King of Rock 'N' Roll - any time I hear that squelchy keyboard intro, a smile cements onto my face

The movie

Coming to America. My uncle John had it and Total Recall on tape, along with some others, but they were way less appropriate for me to watch as a child.

So I watched Coming to America hundreds of times, and still find it funny to this day

The gadget

An electric foot file. Gosh, they're a miracle; it's like a little sander for your feet - the glamour

The hero

Sharon Horgan - she wrote Pulling and Catastrophe. I don't think I've held a TV series so close to my heart as Pulling

The pet hate

Hangovers and bigotry. Some days I'm not able for them and just stay in bed

The hotel

The Premier Inn in Reading, England. They've a great breakfast buffet with individual servings of Marmite. The rooms are designed perfectly - if you leave the door open, you can watch the telly while sitting on the toilet. That's no coincidence - that's precision design

The book

Any of the Adrian Mole books. Sue Townsend was a genius satirist, as well as a fantastic writer. She was so good with the minutiae and humour of everyday life

The outfit

I bought a yellow skirt with netting off a friend a few weeks ago. It's so swishy, it makes me feel like I could do anything

The friend

Teresa Coyne is my flatmate and a comedian; our childhoods were practically the same. We know horrible stuff about each other that we joke about all the time

The accessory

My button necklace. I bought it in Edinburgh after a bad run at the Fringe a few years ago. Everyone complimented it, so now, whenever I'm in Edinburgh, I get another one. I lose earrings the whole time, but I can just about hang on to a necklace

The beauty product

I like Carmex, if that counts as a beauty product. I like anything that slightly stings, because it feels like it's doing something, like spicy food

The holiday

Around Ballydehob in west Cork is incredible, and the people and food are savage, especially Levi's Bar. They have musicians that travel from overseas to play there

The hobby

I love watching Pointless, the daytime TV show. I even flew over to London to be in the audience. It's like going to watch your favourite football team

The bar

I love Caffrey's bar in Mullingar. As an ex-smoker, I can appreciate the effort they put into the smoking area. They had a jukebox and a pool table outside the last time I was there. It has the nicest barmen you could meet

The piece of advice

Run your own race, don't worry about other people - this has been said to me by too many people; I really should heed that advice

The drink

Gin and tonic. I discovered cucumber, and felt like Sir Walter Raleigh, but maybe that was because I was drunk

The part of my body

My armpit, it's deceptively hairless. It's my superpower; it's like a Mitchell brother's head under there

The celebrity

Kanye West. He is the most sincere man in the world, and he's my self-esteem spiritual guide

The virtue

I've started flossing my teeth. I thought it was for posh people, but no, gum health is important

The vice

Arguing with dopes on Twitter. It's my Achilles heel. First off, I feel calm, and next thing you know, I'm calling out an egg for a fight

The smell

Ten minutes after it rains, the sun is out and there is this smell that hits me once every two years. It stops me in my tracks. That, or Joop - bad boys wear Joop

The taste

Crema Catalana, it's a lovely Spanish creme brulee, flavoured with cinnamon, orange and lemon

Alison has a podcast, 'The Alison Spittle Show', on

She plays Whelan's, Dublin, on January 22 at 8pm, with support from Conor O'Toole and No Monster Club. See

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