Monday 9 December 2019

The life and times of @boringkearney - pre-season fun

This week's imagined duo Rob and Dave face the dreaded pre-season

Ryan Giggs surprising Rachel Riley on her 1000th show of Coundown. One of the imagined duo also paid a visit to the set.
Ryan Giggs surprising Rachel Riley on her 1000th show of Coundown. One of the imagined duo also paid a visit to the set.

Well, it's that time of year again, the time we all look forward to – it's pre-season. I must say we enjoy pre-season, weeks on end of running, torture and no sight of a ball, it can sometimes be too much excitement for some and they need to take an extended holiday.

The crossword puzzles are packed away and the Midsomer Murders box set put on the shelf until Christmas and it's time to get back to business. Me and Dave found it hard to sleep the night before going back, due to excitement; we said we had better get tucked up early so we went to bed at twenty past two in the afternoon but we may as well have stayed up until half seven because we couldn't sleep. It takes a while to get back into the routine and we got very lazy over the past few weeks, not going to bed until a quarter to eight at night, not getting up until well after nine and spending the day weeding or ironing or some other fun and lazy activity.

We crawled out of bed the next day after getting just 15 hours sleep but we managed to pull it together after some Ready Brek and in we went to training. We packed a lunch as we didn't know if we would be going down the town with the lads. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends Jamie, Ian and Sean but I would also be sad as Brian wouldn't be there. I text Brian to say I was sad he wasn't there but he text back to say "Haha! Pre-season, in your face Rob!" Not sure what he meant, but I am sure he was sad not to be joining in the fun.

I went in and the first person I met was Ian. I said hello Ian, how are you? Ian said, hello Rob I am fine, how are you? I said I am also fine, thank you for asking. I asked Ian if he wanted to do the obligatory high five but Ian said the moment was lost so I said I would catch him on the way out.

Next, I met Sean. I asked how his summer was. He said he was busy with the hay and silage and turf. I said, same here. I said my silage is better than yours. Sean didn't like it; sometimes the lads just cant handle my banter ...

Next I met Jamie. I asked Jamie how his summer was. He said he had a fun time with his friends and went on holiday. I said that was nice, Jamie then proceeded to ask me how my summer was. I said I managed to catch up on my ironing, some weeding, audited my receipt book and went on a day trip to the set of Countdown. Jamie shook his head, I suspect he was gobsmacked at how we could pack so much fun into one summer.

First published in INSIDER Magazine, exclusive to Thursday's Irish Independent

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