Sunday 8 December 2019

Some of our most famous leaders

As John Drennan tells us how to become Taoiseach, Pat Fitzpatrick takes a look back at some of our most famous leaders

Brian Cowen
Brian Cowen
Former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern
Taoiseach Jack Lynch

Pat Fitzpatrick

Jack Lynch

In his 1969 TV broadcast about the situation in the North, Jack famously said the government could no longer stand by and watch innocent people getting injured. So he sat down to watch it. Take that, you Brits. Jack was known as the Real Taoiseach. We're not sure why this was the case, seeing as he actually was the Taoiseach. It must be a 'Cork, the real capital' thing, which is real annoying. There is talk now that Cork sees itself as the capital of Spain. It's Real Madrid. Ah stop, like.

Bertie Ahern

Some say history will judge Bertie kindly. We say history obviously didn't buy a house in 2006. You'd need a heart of stone not to feel some sympathy for him. We'd probably be fondly reminiscing about his yellow sports-coat now, if he hadn't gone and wrecked the country. Seriously though, you have to hope that 2008 and all that won't take from his finest moment. Come on, how many other statesmen can say they did a TV ad for a tabloid in a kitchen cupboard?

Charlie Haughey

Apparently Charlie's family are dreading the RTE drama about his life. Fair enough. You'd worry the producers might unearth something negative and spoil his impeccable reputation. It beats a drama about Garrett FitzGerald. Episode One: Garrett does the Right Thing. Again. Episode Two: Garrett uses a chart to explain everything. Episode Three: The lads go to Amsterdam for a mad one, but Garrett stays at home. Episode Four: Everyone falls asleep.

Brian Cowen

This Taoiseach went on RTE radio in 2010 sounding like he might have had that second pint the night before. It was a historic moment - the first time anybody made us laugh on Morning Ireland. Reports indicated he had been up all night doing impersonations. The only one that didn't really work was Dignified Statesman. Brian might still carve out a career as an entertainer. All he needs is a catchphrase. How about, "I'll be back"? Jesus help us all.

Enda Kenny

Enda survived a heave from Richard Bruton. We're not suggesting Richard is about as tough as a bunny. But that's only because some of those bunnies can be quite cranky. Enda is vulnerable these days, as his approval rating drops in the polls. He won't get a boost from rising property prices. More backward electorates might go crazy for someone who made them all property millionaires. That could never happen here. No way.

Sunday Independent

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