What a week it's been for conscious uncouplings in the music industry? There was much joy from some One Direction fans when it emerged that Zayn Malik had ended his three-year relationship with Little Mix singer Perrie Edwards.
Quite a few Directioners blamed Perrie for Zayn's decision to quit the band last March and took to calling her Yoko.
A couple of things about Zayn and Perrie's relationship, engagement to be married and subsequent uncoupling has surprised us older Non-Directioners.
How do the generally extremely young fans of 1D even know who Yoko Ono is, never mind that she was blamed by some Beatles fans for breaking up the band more than 40 years ago? (Do they have Ono studies in schools now?)
Even more surprising to those of us no longer in the first flush of youth was the fact that two young people, aged only 22, wanted to be engaged at all. I mean if you were 22 and gorgeous, would you want to be tied down? If you were not just gorgeous but a millionaire and a pop star? Have the 'daoine og' really become so sensible? (And boring?)
When Zayn quit 1D he said he wanted to be a 'normal 22- year-old'. Well, getting rid of the missus is certainly a start.
At the far end of the musical spectrum fans were genuinely shocked to see that Gwen Stefani had filed for divorce from her husband of 13 years Gavin Rossdale, calling time on a 20-year relationship. The pair have three children together and have long been regarded as one of the coolest couples in rock.
But, the most shocking uncoupling of all came from Gwyneth Paltrow who has 'consciously uncoupled' from the phrase 'consciously uncoupled' which she introduced to the world via her website, when she and Chris Martin decided to separate last year.
Gwynnie revealed that the Goop editor had come up with the much derided phrase. Gwynnie what were you thinking? Forget those films you made, V-Steaming and even your children - Conscious Uncoupling was your true legacy.
Pierce Brosnan had his action hero aspirations firmly squashed this week when he was stopped at security at Burlington airport, Vermont in the US for having a 10-inch hunting knife in his hand luggage. It’s hard to imagine what he was planning on doing with it. Perhaps he was thinking of skinning a few villains en-route, or maybe he just wanted to be prepared should any threats to British national security crop up along the way? One can never be too careful.
In any case, having a licence to kill didn’t seem to wash with airport staff, who seized his weapon and insisted that he pass through security a second time to ensure that he was entirely unarmed before they would allow him to board the plane.
The real Bond would have taken it in his stride, but Brosnan seemed as rattled as any ordinary passenger. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he was apparently overheard saying during the kerfuffle, which occurred as he passed through the airport with his 14-year-old son Paris.
People are Talking knows his frustration only too well, having been through a similarly demoralising experience that resulted in forfeiting a bottle of very expensive face cream at security on a Ryanair London to Dublin flight not long ago. It wouldn’t happen to 007, perhaps. But it happens to the best of the rest of us, Pierce.
The only people talking about Lenny Kravitz last week were the man himself and his family. But in a manoeuvre that certainly stretches the no-such-thing-as-bad-publicity cliche, Lenny is certainly suffering from over exposure right now.
For anyone unfamiliar with Lenny’s mishap, #penisgate will give you some idea what’s been going on. At a concert in Sweden the 51 year old’s leather pants ripped on stage, exposing his little Lenny for the world to see.
Unfortunately most people go to concerts these days to hold their phones in the air, so it wasn’t long before countless images of Kravitz’s private parts were very public indeed. The old advice from your mammy about wearing clean underwear in case of an accident was obviously lost on Lenny, as he wasn’t wearing any onstage.
At least he did the decent thing and exited stage left and got a new pair of trousers after his unfortunate wardrobe malfunction.
Kravitz even impressed his fellow hard living rocker Steven Tyler afterwards. He tweeted his admiration for Lenny not having any underwear and being pierced. But hopefully Lenny has learnt a few hard lessons from all this. Leather trousers over 50 are a no no, and wear some underwear.
What’s that old proverb about God laughing when men make plans? He surely chuckles even louder when politicians start getting out their diaries and planning too far ahead.
Enda Kenny certainly doesn’t seem to have heard the saying, because, according to chief whip Paul Kehoe, the Taoiseach is minded to stay in the top job right through until, not only the next election, but the one in 2021, and maybe longer if he wins that.
That would make him the country’s third-longest serving leader, after Eamon de Valera and Bertie Ahern, but of course he’d have to win two more elections first — and considering it took him so long to win the first one (and he only did that because the country was desperate and had nowhere else to turn), you wouldn’t put money on it. In fact, if he really does want to be the Fidel Castro of Irish politics, Enda may have to follow the long-serving Cuban dictator in other ways by, you know, not bothering with pesky elections at all.
Who needs voters anyway?
Spare a thought, though, for younger members of Fine Gael. At this rate, they’ll have to wait almost as long as Kenny did before finally getting a shot at the party leadership. That young whippersnapper Simon Harris will be so old by then, he might even have finished his Junior Cert.
They all insist they’re fine with that, but what else can they say? Admitting you’d rather the boss step aside and let someone else have a go tends to have a negative effect on your career prospects.
Concorde is back and not a moment too soon. Airbus is planning to build a supersonic passenger jet that will get you across the Atlantic in an hour. Phew! And there we were wondering how we could shove our new-found wealth in people’s faces. Let’s face facts. We have the fastest growing economy in the EU. That’s kind of boomy. Don’t all go out and buy a speedboat and half of Bulgaria now just because you can.
If the Germans get wind we’re back at that kind of carry on, they’ll send one of their minions over to start running the place again. But the fact remains that some of us are going to get very rich, very soon. We should definitely avoid the bling this time round.
Diamonds just don’t look great next to our pasty old skin. But New York in an hour is just the way to shout ‘I’m loaded’, while still pretending to be the salt of the earth. (Research shows this is the dream for 87pc of Irish people.) Airbus reckons that its second generation Concorde will appeal to businessmen and VIPs. Airbus is wrong. The skies over Greenland will soon be filled with nouveau riche Paddies screaming “Jesus, Nuala, he’s going fierce fast.” The air around Ireland will be thick with the sound of, “Have to rush, myself and Jerry are off to New York for lunch. See you this evening.” We’re back in the game, baby. See you all in Macy’s.