Thursday 22 February 2018

People are talking: Lisa Marie's endless messy love life

Lisa Marie Presley and her mother Priscilla.
Lisa Marie Presley and her mother Priscilla.
Award-winning Irish fans in Lille
Kanye West

Anne Marie Scanlon

Lisa Marie Presley, the only child of the late King of Rock & Roll, Elvis, has announced she is to divorce from musician Michael Lockwood. (No, we've never heard of him either).

At 48, this is, rather impressively, Presley's fourth marriage and, at a decade, her longest to date. Presley married musician Danny Keough (your guess is as good as ours) in 1988 at the age of 20 and, after six years and two kids, they divorced.

A mere 20 days later Presley married husband No 2 - another musician, but this time we can safely say everyone had heard of him, as he was King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The baffling marriage lasted two years.

Engagement to another musician followed (paging Dr Freud) but she broke it off to marry actor and full-time Elvis impersonator Nicolas Cage. (Stand down Dr Freud, it's fairly obvious what's going on). That marriage lasted an impressive 108 days, and the divorce proceedings took longer to complete. It will be interesting to see who's next.Beiber's single, right?

The winner doesn't take it all

Eilis O'Hanlon

It was bad enough getting beaten by France at the European Championships. Being awarded a special medal by the city of Paris for having the best fans (below) in the tournament just rubbed salt into the wounds.

Award-winning Irish fans in Lille

It's like coming home to find that your house has been burgled, only to be expected to feel better because the thieves left a note saying they really like your taste in interior design.

Ireland didn't even get the ruddy medal to themselves, but had to share it with the Northern Irish. If we all wanted to be lumped in together, there wouldn't still be a border, would there?

We'll probably get another badge soon for being the bestest Europeans ever, now that the Brits have annoyed all their continental neighbours by voting to leave the EU.

Even now, Brussels is threatening us with all sorts of hair-raising consequences if we don't do as we're told over water charges and corporation tax, and we're still as eager as ever to let them know how much we love them really.

They do know it was the Brits who voted to Leave and not us, right? Because if we're going to get the blame anyway, we might as well have some of the fun first. Especially as no one has a Scooby Doo what happens next.

Let sleeping wax models lie

Donal Lynch

It's not often we feel sorry for Kanye West (below) - realistically, the porn-still Kim Kardashian flag at Glastonbury might have been the last time - but unwelcome pangs of sympathy came forth unbidden this week.

Kanye West

It was to do with the furore over his new video, in which he sleeps with life-like wax models of various sleeping celebs, ranging from Taylor Swift to George Bush. Lena Dunham, author of a recent, slightly weird anecdote about sexual experimentation with her sister, said it was emblematic of 'rape culture'.

Piers Morgan, who made a living out of making celebrities miserable, wrote a column saying down with this sort of thing and, in the unkindest cut of all, George W's rep said he's in much better shape than was depicted in the video.

We think everyone needs to take a chill pill. In an era when Hollywood marriages seldom last, it's probably healthier that Kanye lives out his fantasies with inanimate wax models than the actual celebrities.

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