Saturday 25 November 2017

People are talking: Harry, that woman, and her sister

Meghan Markle
Meghan Markle
Fastest loser: Bono

Anne Marie Scanlon

''That woman" was how the late Queen Mother apparently referred to Wallis Simpson. One wonders what she'd make of actress Meghan Markle (pictured), the latest American divorcee to make a play for an English prince.

Just as William has always been the Perfect Prince (with his equally perfect princess) Harry has embraced the role of Spare. From "Harry pothead", to that rather unfortunate fancy dress costume (think "heil" if you can't remember), it's fair to say that Harry took up the role of "Playboy Prince" his Uncle Andrew (should have) left off.

One person who is determined that this latest romance will fail is Meghan's older half-sister Samantha, who went public with a litany of complaints against the Suits actress.

Her logic was that after she aired the family's soiled sheets in public, the Windsors would shun Meghan. (Given Prince H's history, the Firm are probably thrilled Meghan isn't a honky-tonk 'dancer'.) Some think the fact that Meghan's sister has exposed herself as an embarrassing relation will be enough to kibosh the romance. Seven words, people. Kate Middleton's uncle "Casa Bang Bang" Gary.

Lady Bono sings a song in another key

Pat Fitzpatrck

Fastest loser: Bono

Fastest loser: Bono

This year has already given us Brexit and Trump's shot at the White House. They say these things come in threes - so it came as no surprise this week to learn that Bono was a woman.

This has nothing to do with surgery or hormones or self-identifying as a woman for five minutes because the stench in the men's toilet would knock you out. (We've all been there.) What happened was Bono was included on Glamour Magazine's Women of the Year list, for his work promoting women's rights.

Some would say that this is quite an honour. We would say that this is the year Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for Literature - so poor Bono must feel like the Fastest Loser at his school sports day.

The feminists aren't happy (nothing new there). They point out that men get to dominate other things, like big business and the Late Late panel. Poor Bono is getting mocked and pilloried when he was only trying to help. It seems strange writing it, but we should feel sorry for Bono.

Baffled bigwigs agree to disagree on Brexit

Eilis O'Hanlon

It was the week that Enda Kenny straddled the Border manfully, like a cowboy riding a frisky mare and whipping it into submission.

On second thoughts, let's try that one again...

Let's say instead that it was the week when the Taoiseach sought to stamp his authority on the post-Brexit landscape of Ireland by hosting a forum in Dublin that posed the burning question: "What the hell do we do now?"

Turned out, after many hours of talking, that the answer was: "Haven't a clue, Enda. You?"

The Unionists didn't even go, which surprised some people, who presumably haven't noticed that saying "no" has kinda been their forte for a while.

It was all overshadowed anyway by the news that former TV3 news anchor Alan Cantwell has stepped down as Jobs Minister Mary Mitchell O'Connor's press guru after just a few months into the post.

Even Cheryl's marriages last longer than that. Still, at least it's one new vacancy for the minister to announce, eh?

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