My Pet: I'm devouring life, one bite at a time
Every Sunday, my ma does the quizword, never sends it in. What's that about? Then she oohs and aahs about the "lovely" pet stories and says I'm too bold to be in the paper.
I always thought bold meant brave, and I'm fierce brave - so I'm writing my own story. Hard with little paws, but here goes.
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My name is Dicey and I'm a nine-year-old Jack Russell terrier. I've never gone to school but I have devoured many books. I've also devoured my da's socks, skirting boards and table legs. They're not so interesting.
I live with my ma and da now, as the two girls have moved out. They visit and kiss and hug me a lot. I like that. Their brother lives in London - we don't really know each other. I like his old room, though. I'm not allowed in there when he's home, but when he leaves for the airport to go back, I'm on it like a ninja… I sit in his front window and bark at everyone going by. And they never come near the house. My work is done.
My ma gave me to da as a birthday present, as she really wanted a dog (but knew he'd prefer a cat). Again, what's that about? She is weird sometimes. But he loves me more than any cat now.
Anyway, back to my story. Once I devoured an ice cream stick and had to have a big operation. Now it looks like I've a zip in my belly. Thankfully it can only be seen when I look for belly rubs... ooh, they're the best. Sorry, I digress.
My brother lives in Dunboyne and his name is Reilly. His da says he's way better behaved than me. I don't value his opinion, neither does my ma. She tells him that, too. Yep, she's weird but bold too.
My hobbies include barking through the wall at the Yorkshire terrier next door, barking at the people going to the village by my house, barking generally, sleeping. I don't care much for walking and often apply the brakes and won't move. Then they have to carry me - that's always funny because I'm not light! I do love the car.
Another of my least favourites is the vet's. Everyone says they're all lovely, but on more than one occasion they've stuck things in places I wasn't comfortable with - so again, a little snap from me is not unreasonable.
Thanks for reading my story. Life is good here.
Anne Marie Tymlin, Ashbourne, Co Meath
Finest hour: Every hour
n If you would like your pet featured in this column please send a story of 440 words and a photograph to email@example.com clearly labelled MY PET