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I'd like her to wear leather during sex

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Illustration: Tom Halliday

Illustration: Tom Halliday

Illustration: Tom Halliday

qI am in a relationship with a woman I really love, and we get on really well together, but I'm wary of bringing up the subject of a request I want to make of her when we have sex.

We've been seeing each other for over a year and despite the age difference (she's in her late 30s, I'm in my mid 20s) we have a lot in common.

When I first met her, we seemed to click almost straight away and because she was (and is) really attractive- looking I wanted to impress her. I guess it's a case of opposites attracting.

Even though I've had previous girlfriends, I'm still learning the rules of engagement with women, whereas she is outgoing and confident, and as an older woman has a worldly intelligence I'm drawn to.

She's sexually experienced and she has probably had plenty of lovers before me. When we have sex she takes command in bed and she can also be spontaneous in the time and place she chooses a tryst - which leads us onto the request.

She has a black leather motorcycle jacket that she often wears when we go out together. The first time I saw her wearing it, I felt a really strong sexual frisson from her. It is loose-fitting, hangs just right on her body and she moves with a confidence that makes her look really cool.

One day, we were in Stephen's Green and she pulled me into her embrace and I was overwhelmed with a desire for her that I never felt with another woman. I've often wanted to ask her if she would wear it during intercourse, but I stop myself for a number of reasons - the main one is that the temperature rises between people having sex and she might not want to wear something that carries a residue of sweat.

The leather is quite heavy and thick. She also might slap me down and tell me to hire a prostitute before dumping me - which I would dread. If anything, my dilemma centres around whether it's a reasonable request in the first place to ask of a girlfriend, given the practical and physical conditions and whether she would get the wrong idea in terms of what I think of her.

I do love her and I would hate to lose her and I hope this request wouldn't cause her to get angry with me and lead to us splitting up.

aI am happy that things are going so well for you and your girlfriend. The age gap between you seems to be 13 or 14 years, and while the more usual scenario is an older man and a younger woman, I know of many cases where the woman is older. As it works for both of you, there should be no difficulties regarding age difference.

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to let her know about your desire to make love while she is wearing her leather jacket. You have probably already told her how good she looks in it, as she wears it often. I would suggest that you raise the subject when you are not in a sexual situation, so that you can gauge her reaction when you ask her without running the risk of being rejected. So sometime when you are out and about, or having a drink or a coffee, you should tell her that you have often fantasised about what it would be like to make love while she is wearing the jacket. You will know pretty quickly whether the idea appeals to her or not, and if it doesn't then drop the subject and keep it for your fantasies.

There is no rule that says that people have to be naked when making love, and lots of people like their partners to wear underwear, stockings or high heels - the list is endless. It certainly adds variety to the lovemaking, and that is a good thing.

Don't worry too much about whether she will be too hot in the leather or not - that is up to her. It certainly should not cause her to end the relationship, nor should she think that you would see it as demeaning of her just because you want to try something a little different.

Good luck and I hope that you have many more years together.

Sunday Independent