We may sniff at it when it’s unsolicited, perhaps even bristle, but where would we be without advice?
Entire bookshop genres are built on it, misleadingly titled ‘self-help’. If it were self-help, we wouldn’t need to buy the advice of others, we’d be able to solve things ourselves.
But as interconnected, social beings, we all need advice sometimes and the best stuff often comes straight from the mouths of others.
Friends, families, support groups, random strangers, paid professionals (in gathering bits of advice for this piece, advice from mothers featured heavily) — the most important thing is to ask for it and to hear it, even if we don’t always take it.
Also, there’s a big difference between life advice and live-laugh-love, dance-like-there’s-nobody-watching memes. Life is not a meme — sometimes you need actual input. So what’s the best bit of life advice you’ve ever received? Here’s some of the top ones told to me.
During an emergency appointment with a psychotherapist I’d never met before, I was falling apart. She took one look at me and after less than five minutes of talking, advised me to go to an AA meeting. Immediately. Friends had been saying the same thing for ages, but I’d ignored them because what did they know? I went the next day. That was 17 years ago and everything changed after that. She’s retired now, that therapist, but I will never forget how her three simple words — go to AA — rerouted my life. Suzanne (55)
We talk about killing time, but really it’s time which is killing us, so don’t waste it. A really ill friend told me this. It reframed how I think about time as a precious resource, rather than this infinite thing that never runs out. Luke (50)
My mother, who was an artist, told me to trust my gut when making a decision, creatively or otherwise, around people, life choices, buying a sofa, whatever. Your gut is usually right. We tend to overthink things and worry about what other people will think, or how we are perceived — just go with your gut because it’s usually right. And take probiotics! Sonia (55)
Never give up on a goal you’ve set yourself, even if you fail spectacularly. Keep the faith in your ability and put the hours in. Tollan (23)
It’s nice to be important but it’s important to be nice. A drunk old man told me that outside a pub in Dublin. Maya (22)
The best advice was from my friend’s mum, who said to never compare yourself to anyone else because you do things your own way, which will never be the same as anyone else. So only compare yourself to yourself — past you with present you. Sarah (57)
Take life one day at a time. It may sound obvious, but you can’t change yesterday and tomorrow isn’t here yet. Martin (50)
What you allow, will continue — an older guy told me that years ago. When I was younger, I used to allow myself to be treated badly by boyfriends because I would convince myself that they would change. These days I have better boundaries. Paul (60)
Bad days will happen. Give up, go home and sleep. Forget it, try again tomorrow. Have a banana — potassium is great for existential dread. Jon (65)
You are not your mind, you are not the thoughts in your mind. My boxing trainer told me that. Felix (19)
Quit your job and go self-employed — you’ll have no security and will have to make your own. Eat at the buffet of sex, especially if you are newly separated and have been starved of it. Someone told me these while I was quitting a secure but dull career to do something completely different, and leaving a marriage that had turned into a friendship. It was the best advice ever. Maxine (51)
Moisturise, moisturise, moisturise! Penny (58)
Everything happens for a reason, which sounds like a load of old rubbish, but can be very comforting when things are going to shit — my grandmother used to say it to my mother after our dad went to jail. It helped my mother to maintain perspective as things fell down around her. Claire (48)
When I was pregnant for the first time, I asked a friend who already had three young kids for her top bit of parenting advice. She said to always soak any bowl that has contained porridge straight away or it will go like cement. I’d been expecting something more profound, but it stuck with me. Unlike the porridge. Jean (30)
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but nobody cares — do it, don’t do it, nobody is marking your life out of 10. Don’t ask the universe. The universe is too busy. An art teacher told me this when I was overthinking something. Lou (57)
Profound advice can come from places we least expect. Illustration: Getty
The only bits of advice my mum gave me were: never get married, and don’t let the bastards grind you down. I have followed both of these bits of advice to the letter. I remain unmarried and unground. Tanya (51)
Don’t swim with crocodiles. A local man told me this as I was about to swim in a lake in Sri Lanka. I thought he was being metaphorical, but it turned out there were actual crocodiles in the lake. It was good advice. Laura (45)
I had never wanted kids, but very soon into a new relationship when I was in my 50s, it happened. The best advice I ever got — from many people — was not to do a runner, but to stick around and be a dad to my daughter. I did and it changed my life. Keith (64)
This is from Bob Marley, but it’s my go-to: overcome the demons with a thing called love. Mags (43)
Don’t invest too much energy in gaining people’s approval when you don’t really like them either. It took me years to act on this advice, given by a wiser friend when we were still teenagers. Mary (54)
Do it now. If it goes wrong, enjoy the suffering. Then do it again, but differently. Mabel (17)
You are not in charge. You can only put in the footwork, rather than control the outcome. Running the world in your head is exhausting. So my greatest advice comes from Elsa in Frozen — let it go. It’s not so much advice as a mantra for control freaks, which I definitely am. But getting better at not being one. Lucy (40)
What others say and do isn’t because of you, it’s a reflection of their own reality. Jenny (30)
Don’t try to figure out issues all at once, tackle one at a time. Brian (30)
I like what Oprah says about the importance of having a spiritual practice. It can be anything, really. Mine is going on long walks alone. It keeps me sane and connected. Chrissie (43)
A commitment isn’t something that you make once and then you’re done. Making a real commitment means recognising that it’s a choice you’ll make again and again. Ciaran (50)
Be true to yourself. Michael (30)
Get critical illness insurance when you are young. If it turns out to be a waste of money, then you’ve had a blessed life, but it’s way cheaper if you get it when you are young and healthy. I wish I had known this before I got cancer. I’m fine now, but the financial stress was an added extra I didn’t need at the time. Bel (50)
Love yourself the most. Abby (52)
My mum told me this one — you’re not that important, which kind of hurt, but it’s really good advice for not worrying about what people think. Also, never give up. I never have. Amy (35)
If you find yourself in a situation that stinks, don’t add to the smell. June (51)
Don’t take heroin. I did and I wasted a lot of time. Practise yoga instead. And avoid processed food — it will kill you. Gill (84)
Focus on contentment. It’s more attainable and sustainable than happiness. Clodagh (51)
My mum’s advice was to treat everyone as an equal. I watched her speak to everyone in a kind and compassionate way, without judgement. She showed me empathy in action and I am so bloody grateful for it. Andy (50)
My old geography teacher wrote in my year book: “To thine own self be true.” I didn’t realise at the time it was Shakespeare, but I live by it. Cait (55)
Both my nans advised me not to get married and not to have kids. Mel (54, happily married with two kids)
This is advice from my mother — f**k many, love few, always paddle your own canoe. And always have a runaway fund in case you need to leave a man in a hurry. Have a secret stash, so that you can always put on your parachute and jump. Anonymous, Kildare
Try everything once. John (75)
My dad always said if you can count your friends on one hand, you’re winning. Ethna (28)
“You’re too young to get married,” was the best advice I ever got, but unfortunately I didn’t take it! Von (74)
“Don’t push the river, it flows by itself.” This is from Fritz Perls, the German psychotherapist who invented Gestalt therapy. I interpret it as knowing when to stop striving for something that isn’t working out and focus my energies elsewhere. Phil (57)
Live in the moment and don’t stress about what hasn’t happened yet. Vicky (40)
These are clichés, but they’re clichés for a reason — seize the moment, don’t dwell on mistakes, get up early and don’t go to bed angry. Get close to green or blue more often — countryside or water — and rely on yourself, not others, for joy. Have regular bowel movements. Marian (68)
Sometimes you just have to say f**k it and move on. Alex (48)
This advice is from a friend who has MS, which he gave me about 20 years ago when he began losing his mobility — say yes to everything. You never know when the ability to say yes to everything will be taken away from you. Jo (51)
All the advice I got growing up I have cast aside as unhelpful because it made me a cynical, insecure, paranoid bloke. The best piece of advice I’ve had came recently from my therapist — have a soft heart and an open mind. It makes life a lot easier, that’s for sure. Ashley (55)
Make your faith bigger than your fear. Not religious faith necessarily, just faith in something bigger than yourself. Fran (53)
Live simply so that others may simply live. This is advice from my family, who were Quakers. I’ve never forgotten it. Anna (60)
Get a smear test. I was living in London and one of my friends was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She kept telling everyone to get tested — all along, it had seemed academic, but seeing her going through it woke me up. I get tested for everything now. I’d rather be paranoid than dead. Grainne (46)
My favourite advice is from Beckett — try again, fail again, fail better. It’s the antidote to perfectionism, which is paralysing. Mickey (76)
My mother, who is long dead, used to tell me: keep your expectations tiny and you won’t be whiney. For years, I interpreted it as expecting nothing from life so I would not be disappointed, which seems quite a negative way of looking at things, but over time, I came to understand it as something a bit more zen. David (65)
A parent at my junior school told me when I was really young: if you turn your knickers inside out, they will last another day. I would like to make it very clear that although this advice stayed with me for all the wrong reasons, I have never taken it. Lola (22)
