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Ask Allison: 'My partner's constant lying is infuriating'

Our resident therapist answers your queries about sex and relationships

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'Lies erode trust. Lies create doubt. Each of your partner's big little lies forces you to re-evaluate if you trust him'.

'Lies erode trust. Lies create doubt. Each of your partner's big little lies forces you to re-evaluate if you trust him'.

'Lies erode trust. Lies create doubt. Each of your partner's big little lies forces you to re-evaluate if you trust him'.

Q My partner tells small lies and it infuriates me.

For example, he might have finished the milk but denies doing so, or in company, he'll say he has seen a TV programme, when I know that he hasn't. I honestly don't think he lies about serious things - we've been together four years - but I wonder if I am somehow fuelling this in some way, and if some of these lies are because he wants to avoid conflict. Other times, I worry that it's because he doesn't have a firm grasp on reality and that he genuinely forgets about or misinterprets situations - so what he's presenting is his 'truth'. I don't pull him up on the lies, generally, because I'm embarrassed by them, but this is diminishing my respect for him. What is your advice on how to best handle it?

Allison replies: There are so many sides to this: yours, his and the truth; your version, his version and reality. All these sides will create major blind-spots from both of your perspectives.


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