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A widower's diary: Memory erases some — not all — of the bad stuff. It winds the clock back to a better time

In January, father of four Steve Dempsey lost his wife to cancer. In his new weekly column, he writes about life after saying goodbye

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Steve Dempsey lost his wife to cancer. Photo: Steve Humphreys

Steve Dempsey lost his wife to cancer. Photo: Steve Humphreys

Steve Dempsey at home in Skerries. Photo: Steve Humphreys

Steve Dempsey at home in Skerries. Photo: Steve Humphreys

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Steve Dempsey lost his wife to cancer. Photo: Steve Humphreys

My friend and I talk about the past. We talk about dead spouses — that’s something we share. We talk about what they leave behind and how the memory of them changes. She explained to me how they can be transformed in our minds.

Over time, she told me, they can revert back to the non-sick versions of themselves. The people we knew before the diseases, accidents or whatever happened to take them away. We discard the memories of them in their illness and retain the images of the people we first fell in love with.


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