'My world went into a spin when I was told at my 12-week scan that there was no heartbeat' - Mum shares her story of miscarriage
My world went into a spin when I was told at my 12 week scan that there was no heartbeat and that I was having a silent miscarriage. I’d never even heard of a silent miscarriage. I was pregnant with my third child and I was thrilled as I'd always felt we would have three children. The doctor suggested I go home and let nature take it's course and come back after the weekend if it hadn't happened naturally.
I was in shock.
I felt numb, sick and helpless.
Even though it was so early in the pregnancy, I was grateful that things came to pass that we were able to have a blessing ceremony a week later, with burial in the angels plot in the nearby graveyard.
I deeply felt it was a son who we had lost and we named him Jamie Patrick.
The pain of the loss was so raw but the ritual and acknowledgement of the brief life within me was special and I will always be grateful for those who made that possible.
I could never have prepared myself for the depth of the grief that followed, unnoticed by others yet ever present with me.
During the weekend while I knew I was still pregnant yet told there was no heartbeat, I decided to do a soul drawing to capture the soul connection between me and my baby, while we were still physically connected.
It was so healing to do this drawing. I went on to do another soul drawing of our soul connection a few weeks after the miscarriage and it brought so much comfort to see how strong the love between us was and how the energy and colours had strengthened.
This didn't mean I escaped the emotions that go along with grief, nor did it explain the confusion I felt about how I could miss a soul so much that I had never seen or held in my arms, yet the grief was real, deep and it also brought up a new wave of grief for my mother.
I went on to realise that the first 12 soul images I ever created, were done while I was pregnant. In my heart and soul I know that while Jamie entered our lives for such a short while, he brought the gift of awakening within me, the realisation of my ability to create soul images to guide others.
Jamie’s soul’s purpose was fulfilled and he is the light within our family and my guide along this path of reaching out to others through soul art.
I have done many more soul images over the years since then - for my own loved ones, for others who have lost loved ones, for individuals who are curious about their soul’s purpose in life or as a celebration for soul connections for couples and families.
I feel honoured to create soul paintings alongside the other artwork that I feel inspired to create.
For more information, see bredamarron.com