Ask Allison: ‘We talk about menopause because knowing what is going on with your body is power’
Our resident psychologist Allison Keating says it’s time to start making a plan, seek help and share how you feel – invest in yourself because you’re worth it
Imagine for a moment that you are driving along a route that is familiar to you, you feel comfortable and competent when suddenly, a fog comes in, gradually at first but it’s there and it doesn’t seem to be going, you can nearly feel it.
It’s distracting and it’s not helping a more general feeling you’ve noticed recently that it seems to be harder to concentrate and focus. You notice the heart palpitation again in this unfamiliar place and a creeping feeling of anxiety and dread kicks in that is unfamiliar to you but one that seems to be making its presence known the last while.
This isn’t inclement weather, but it is a storm of sorts and possibly the next natural transition in a woman’s life. Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it doesn’t create major change in its path and some of these symptoms of brain fog, difficulty concentrating and or focusing, sleep disturbance and the arrival of anxiety may indicate the bodies shift into the perimenopause.
With a jaw dropping 34 symptoms isn’t it somewhat odd that so many don’t recognise it in themselves and even when it is recognised that it has been silently suffered for far too long.
I imagine many think the conversation around menopause has in recent times been an active one thanks to several different reasons and people bringing much needed attention to this transition, but it seems imperative when it will impact half the world’s population.
Perhaps we should be asking the question ‘why has it taken so long?’ and that the conversation still has a long way to go.
The ‘why’ may be understood as another aspect of women’s health that has also been shrouded in secrecy and dare, I say it shame. Suffice to say suffering in silence isn’t a viable option any more and it’s time to listen to the many voices who aren’t willing to accept what isn’t acceptable anymore and to get the care and support that is needed.
Do you know why knowledge is power? Because it is powerful to know what is going on with yourself and instead of quietly internalising ‘what is wrong with me?’ or the fearful whisper of ‘I think I’m losing it, I don’t feel like myself’ you can see why it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed and alone in your experience.
The combination of knowledge and open conversations where you can hear other people’s experiences gives a public permission slip to what can be a private and isolating experience for many and unnecessarily so.
Armed with information it gives women and everyone the room to be able to identify that how they are feeling isn’t OK, and to then feel empowered to know what do next. If the first attempt isn’t what you hoped for, take another permission slip or as many as you need to go and get another opinion.
During this period, you may have young or adolescent children, and juggling that family life and or working and possibly caring or having higher caring needs for your parents. It is easy to see when the demands on your time and energy are at an all-time high, that you may dismiss why you sobbed your eyes out at that movie the other night or have been feeling low and ‘just not like yourself’.
Coupled with a rage that even surprises you, safe to say the feelings of irritation have been noticed by you and yours. Tuning into how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally is hard to do in the day-to-day chaos of life with a lot of demands and noise that drowns out your ability to recognise and take the time to care for yourself.
But this is part of the revolution in women’s health, and it is a revolution to care for yourself. To listen to your bodies cues before they begin to shout. To use these information cues to make informed choices on your next steps.
And yet, it is still so easily ignored whilst the impact and collateral damage on you and your confidence is not just chipping away slowly but having quite the stealthy impact in ways that even confuse you.
Many times, when a surprised face looks back at me when I suggest perhaps having a chat with their GP and if they have considered if their symptoms may indicate the perimenopause as the primary reason they are sitting in front of me instead of recent panic attacks, feeling low or feeling intensely frustrated and questioning their entire lives and relationships.
When we widen the lens and see the statistics of women leaving their jobs, the unspoken impact on your significant relationship and adding in the health implications this conversation needs a public awareness campaign to make this transition a much better one for so many women.
Where to start?
If you are wondering about yourself and beginning to question what is going on for you, you could look at Dr Louise Newson’s Balance app and website in conjunction to talking with your GP.
If you have noticed a change in your confidence and how you feel about yourself or if the quality of your life from a cognitive, emotional, and physical level which you know are not normal for you, ask yourself another question ‘what are you waiting for?’
Prioritise your health before it makes it a priority for you
Challenging the myths and stigma around menopause and ageing in an anti-ageing society I think everyone would agree it’s time to change the rhetoric for good. It’s time to put health at the forefront and to challenge and change our perception on stigma’s that have had too much time and created too much damage.
Exploring how we talk and treat women’s health across the lifespan and balancing it by seeing this time as an opportunity to build a healthy relationship with ourselves that is progressive, respectful, and empathic to your experience. The opposite of this can lead to more stigma and delay in seeking and getting the right treatment. If you have been having a hard time, make a plan today and seek support.
Be compassionate and reflect on understanding why your confidence has been knocked, confidence isn’t magic, it is something you build by making conscious choices often to make the first step, which maybe sharing how you feel with a friend or partner, making a call to your GP, becoming informed and curious on symptoms you have been experiencing and using these as functional information cues leading you make informed choices that value you and your health.
Allison regrets that she cannot enter into correspondence. If you have a query you would like addressed in this column, email allisonk@independent.ie.
