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Ask Allison: ‘I’m 46 and I’ve started dating again after 20 years of marriage. I am starting to feel desperate. Can you help?

Our resident therapist answers your queries about life and relationships

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Many people can find dating to be quite intimidating as they get older. Stock image.

Many people can find dating to be quite intimidating as they get older. Stock image.

Many people can find dating to be quite intimidating as they get older. Stock image.

Q: I recently came out of a marriage and I would like to meet someone and settle down again. I am 46 and I met my husband when I was 26 — drunk in a nightclub like most people my age. I have never dated as such and have no experience. The thing is, I am at a loss as to how to go about this. I have had a few dates with men I met online but they didn’t want to see me again, even though I really felt I clicked with one or two. I feel rather desperate, I hate to say, and I’m more concerned with finding someone who likes me. It feels to me that it is a man’s world when it comes to dating and I would like some advice on how to date without feeling so desperate and needy. Can you help?

Allison replies: I think your question is going to resonate with many. Modern dating is a vulnerable place filled with complex and constantly changing rules set unfortunately against a cultural backdrop of the disposable ‘swipe next’ mentality. Even if technology is opening doors, it hasn’t caught up emotionally with the human drive and desire for authentic connection. The need to be loved isn’t desperate, it is universal, even though it feels vulnerable.


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