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Ask Allison: 'I love my mother, but she is so negative I can't bear it'

Our resident therapist answers your queries about sex and relationships

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You have to learn to create boundaries with your mother

You have to learn to create boundaries with your mother

You have to learn to create boundaries with your mother

Q As I get older, I find it increasingly hard to tolerate negativity in others. My mother, in particular, is a very negative woman whose first reaction to anything is mockery or contempt. She was always like this, but now that I am approaching 50 I find it so hard to take.

I love my mother, and deep down she is a lovely person, and I believe the negativity is a bad habit more than a default setting in her personality if that makes sense. I find it so hard to talk to her or be around her and it's making me feel bad. Why is this happening now and what do you suggest I do?

Allison replies: I'm really sorry to hear how bad this is making you feel. It's indicative of the problem you have with your mother, in that, you are the one owning the consequences of her negativity. Whether being negative is part of her personality, character or just a bad habit is irrelevant as it affects you. I won't add insult to injury by asking you to ignore her behaviour or to think of some vacuous positivity to 'overcome' this.


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