Six years into motherhood and I've noticed Mother's Day is never about me. If you are a mother and have a mother (or indeed, a mother-in-law), then already your enjoyment of this 'special day' is distinctly compromised - hijacked by the older generation who have done more time as mothers and, therefore, are more advanced manipulators. They will need a lot of pandering before you can even think about what you'd like from the day.
A customary start to Mother's Day is the 'cosseting' you must endure from your immediate family, beginning with the traditional breakfast in bed - the tension of which sets the tone for the rest of the day. There is frankly nothing more stressful than eating a flaky pastry in bed - until you add small children bouncing around, and a tiny baby among the blankets being near-trampled every few minutes.
On any other day of the year, they have little-to-no interest in me, but on Mother's Day, the whole family corners me and watches me eat breakfast. It's unnerving. Then, instead of leaving me alone for 12 hours, which is all I want on Mother's Day, there is a full itinerary of family fun. And look, it is lovely - it's just intense.
So what does this moany bitch want for Mother's Day then, I hear you mutter? I want what I presume all mothers want - carte blanche to rant and rage at every single person who crosses them. Not forever, mind; I realise the world would be a pretty toxic place were that to happen, but just for the day.
Mothers get a lot of crap, and we really are incredibly restrained for not retaliating. For example, I gave birth to my third little boy a few weeks ago, and several people - strangers - have told me that I'll have to go again "for the girl". I take umbrage at this. Extreme umbrage. And people are always offloading annoying shite like this on mothers.
Women with only children are badgered with, "Would you not give them a little brother or sister?" Women with dozens of children are told endlessly that they have their "hands full" - how they resist hurling one of their many children at these people, I'll never know. Women bottle-feeding must tolerate pass-agg comments about how "no one breastfeeds any more", while women breastfeeding out and about are on the receiving end of endless put-your-tits-away-luv grimaces.
We are stoic heroes for not going postal every damn day. Forget Mother's Day, give us Mother's Cray - the one day of the year when we can scream in the faces of random people who are annoying us. Until society takes the decision to instate Mother's Cray, pop in some of this chewy fudge to keep from ranting at well-meaning strangers.
Makes 40-50 pieces
You will need:
600g white chocolate
1x 400g tin of condensed milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon of ground cardamom
80g macadamia nuts, chopped
50g dried cranberries, chopped
1 Line a 24cm square tin with baking paper. Break the white chocolate into pieces. Pour the tinned condensed milk into a saucepan over a low heat, and add the pieces of white chocolate. Stir to melt together. When the mixture is smooth, mix in the vanilla extract and the ground cardamom. Next, reserve a small handful each of the chopped macadamia nuts and the chopped dried cranberries, and add the remainder to the saucepan. Stir to combine everything.
2 Pour the fudge into the lined tin and press the reserved macadamia nuts and cranberries into the top. Allow the fudge to set in the fridge for about 3-4 hours until it is firm, and then cut it into squares. Wrap it nicely and distribute it to all the mothers in your life.
Sunday Indo Life Magazine