Monday 21 January 2019

What I'm Really Thinking about having ADHD

I'd by dying for break time. It's so hard to just sit and listen.
I'd by dying for break time. It's so hard to just sit and listen.

I have ADHD. You mightn't even know what that means. I know because I had to go to this psychologist or psychiatrist or someone, who did all these tests. She was nice enough, but the main thing I remember is that she brought me back after and told me I had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. They shorten it to ADHD. I remember it because I had to get her to write it down for me.

Apparently I've always had ADHD and that actually makes good sense to me. I've just started in first year in secondary school. It started really badly. Just like primary school had gone really badly. I hate school. I've never done well. I used to think I was just stupid. I'd be in class and the teacher would be talking to me and I wouldn't even know. It's not that I used to ignore them; I might be just thinking about something else. Then they'd get cross and I'd usually be punished and then I'd get cross. Then…well I think you can see how it would go.

I'd be dying for break time. It is so hard to just sit and listen. I don't know how my friends did it. Well, I do know now. They don't have ADHD. Sitting still is normal for them. I'd be way more fidgety. It often feels like I just can't get comfortable in the chair. I used to get given out to for the chair scraping on the ground too, if I was moving it. You'd think that break time would be okay, but I used to get into trouble then too. I was too "boisterous". When I was small I'd be playing chasing and apparently I was too rough. My friends never minded, just the teachers supervising the yard would be antsy. I do think they were often just looking for trouble. I mean, I had a reputation in that school. None of the teachers liked me. Every year I'd go into a new class and I'd be all hopeful that it would be fine and it never was.

It was like the teacher was just waiting. So the first time I'd be day-dreaming, or if I whispered to one of my friends, they'd be on me like a shot. I don't think they used be like that with the other lads. They were never as hard on them.

I really hoped, though, that when I went into secondary school that it would be different. But secondary school is so hard. Not so much the learning stuff, but the rest of it. I still haven't got the hang of the whole locker thing. I always seem to have the wrong books, or I forget to bring home some books for homework. So that has me in trouble already. I get in trouble for talking back to the teachers, but you have to stand up for yourself.

For example, I was kicking a bag belonging to my friend, with him and another lad. It was his old school bag with the ripped strap. He'd just swapped all his books and it was going to the bin. A teacher came up and started giving out about respect for property. I just told her that it belonged to one of us and she gave out more about talking back and didn't want to listen.

I'm actually glad to know that I have ADHD. It finally makes sense as to why I can't pay attention, why I get so distracted, why I say stuff without thinking, why I fidget. I just wish the teachers knew it wasn't always my fault. I really can't help some of the stuff that I do.

As imagined by David Coleman

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