How to help our teenagers tackle negative body image

With so much pressure on looking a certain way, teenagers can be vulnerable to eating disorders. But by nurturing self-esteem from a young age, they’ll be better armed to deal with any issues they may encounter around body image

Teenagers are bombarded from the wider social and cultural milieu with media messaging about what they “should” look like. Photo: Getty/picture posed

Dr David Coleman

March 08 2023 02:30 AM

Last week marked Eating Disorders Awareness Week led by Bodywhys, the national eating disorder support organisation. The Bodywhys team focused the week on boys and men, since it is often assumed that only girls and women suffer from issues about body image. Of course, the truth is that boys and girls have such issues and the prevalence of eating disorders is growing for both groups, especially since the pandemic.

There are a range of eating disorders that are recognised by the international community. The more commonly known include anorexia and bulimia, but there is also Binge Eating Disorder, Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) and Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder (OSFED). Rather than spend a lot of time in this column describing these disorders, I suggest you go to bodywhys.ie where there is a lot of information, including all of the definitions.

I’d rather focus this column on the issue of body image, to understand how impactful it is for boys and girls, irrespective of whether it creates an eating disorder, since research has shown that up to six in 10 adolescent girls will engage in crash dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills or laxatives to control their weight.

Adolescence can be a difficult time, with the bodily changes coming with puberty and the self-consciousness that comes with this. Add that to the strong desire for conformity with their peer group, and the cultural norms that the peer group embody, and it becomes a hot-bed of insecurity and desire not to be different. All it takes is for the prevailing atmosphere or expectation among their friends to be skinny and it is bound to heighten their own judgement of their body shape and size.

Teenagers are also bombarded from the wider social and cultural milieu with media messaging about what they “should” look like, or what it is that makes them or others desirable, worthy or attractive. The algorithms that drive social media platforms will mean that any hesitation, replaying or extended pause on a particular post, reel, video (perhaps of a celebrity or influencer who is dieting or body conscious) is taken as interest in that topic. Within minutes teenagers can be fed further videos, perhaps leading them down a virtual rabbit hole of information and opinion about body image, food or eating.

The messages that you give, as a parent, then, become very important. Long before their teenage years and social media messaging, they will have been picking up your values and attitudes about other people. If, over the years, you have regularly referenced how other people look, judged other people’s appearance or expressed dissatisfaction about the way you look, your children may have learned that looks, “beauty” or appearance are important.

Shifting the dialogue to an emphasis on the broader attributes of other people can offer a counter-narrative to the judgements we or others make about their physical attributes. Better to talk about positive personality traits like kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness or their abilities and strengths in areas of their life, like diligence, creativity, skill, talent or analytical ability and so on.

Any efforts we can make to help children build their self-esteem will benefit them when they hit their teenage years and the potential insecurities and negative self-judgement that might come. I always think of self-esteem as having two main factors: a sense of lovability and a sense of capability.

Lovability refers to a person’s perception that they are likeable and acceptable to other people. We can foster this in children by attending to them, listening effectively, attuning to their feelings, accepting them for who they are and correcting their behaviour, when needed, rather than criticising it.

Capability refers to a person’s perception that they are useful and needed. Helping children to identify their strengths, skills and achievements will bolster their sense of being capable. Seeing their mistakes as opportunity for learning, rather than failings to be judged, is also important. We need to give children opportunities to contribute (like household chores that are valued and appreciated) and we need to let them solve their own problems and make their own decisions as often as possible.

Higher levels of self-esteem will be protective for children as they enter their teenage years. Adding to their positive self-belief, by offering alternatives to the cultural expectations about body shape and image, might give them the support they need to be able to withstand the pressure to alter their bodies, through dieting, vomiting or excessive exercising.

Be kind and understanding of that pressure they may feel, encouraging them to be self-compassionate rather than self-destructive.