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Dear David Coleman: My teenage daughter gets angry and won't accept punishment

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Since there are likely to be very good reasons why your teen gets angry right now, it might be best to stop punishing her

Since there are likely to be very good reasons why your teen gets angry right now, it might be best to stop punishing her

Since there are likely to be very good reasons why your teen gets angry right now, it might be best to stop punishing her

Q My daughter is 15. Her nana died unexpectedly last November. They were very close. She is a good girl but it has made her angry since. If she gives us cheek, or gets angry about some limit we set, I take her phone off her for a while, but then she erupts and there is no talking to her. How can I explain to her that she can't say we are in the wrong by taking her phone off her, and that she just needs to relax for a while? 

David replies: It may be that your daughter feels you don't understand her. On the one hand, you do seem to recognise that her nana's death may have had a big impact on her, and may be linked to her current mood. Yet, at the time when that mood gets acted out (by giving cheek or acting angrily to limits) you only seem to be responding to her behaviour by punishing her.