There we have it. Parental Armageddon. Two children. At home. With me. For two whole weeks.
Currently my wonderful employers at INM are allowing us to work from home, which, minus the kids and my wife is a total joy. Bar the constant eating.
But now thanks to our great leader Leo’s clearly correct decision to lock down the country for over a fortnight, my cushy life home alone is over.
The peace an quiet I need to do my job will be a thing of the past starting tomorrow at 7am.
There will be no more reading the papers at a leisurely pace to try and spot a good news line to follow up or a topic that needs expanding on.
I will now have to do that, while refereeing an almost constant fight between my 5 year old daughter and my 3 year old son.
If (when) it all becomes too much for me, at around 7.35am, I always have the option of utilising the “third parent” in our house that I can rely on, the television.
But I cant help thinking that letting them watch Netflix from dawn til dusk is somehow considered bad parenting. It wasn’t when I was a kid in the 1980s, so what’s changed? Oh yes, the internet. The judging. The rush to blame. So I will have find a balance.
Three hours TV for them in exchange for three hours paid work for me. Then it will be lunch time where I will become a chef and a waiter for an hour, and a cleaner. Because kids aged 5 and under are incapable of eating without ruining at least their clothes and at most everything within touching distance.
Then I’ll put them out the back, like puppies and let them bound around our extremely messy back garden until one, or both of them starts to cry.
Then it’s back to the telly. Then dinner time will rear it’s ugly head and we start the whole waiter/ chef/ referee/ cleaner cycle all over again. Every day. Until March 29…at least.
I’m trying to convince myself it will be an adventure, but it won't.
It will be at times funny, draining, annoying, stressful and then over.
But in the grand scheme of things, it has to be done. For very, very good reason.
My only wish is that my wife’s work cop on as soon as possible and also let her work from home.
Then I can put the feet up, isn’t that right boss!