Wednesday 13 December 2017

The Wolverine shows where her priorities really lie

YOU get back from a long day's work to find your husband and son up in arms. They have been hard at it all day, toting blocks and mixing concrete as they work on a small but necessary extension to your home. And they have not been fed.

Over the past 10 days or so, it has been the Wolverine's privilege to feed the two manual workers, and the occasional skilled tradesman, while mum is at work.

After all, it's the summer holidays and everybody, as you pointed out, has to pull their weight if the job is to be done.

Her's is not a particularly onerous task -- she is merely required to serve a pot of tea and some shop-bought scones at 11am followed by a lunch of home-made soup and some doorstep sandwiches around 1pm.

After that the Wolverine is more or less free for the rest of the day, as her brother points out enviously.

He, on the other hand, is not only expected to cycle down to the village to fetch the afore- mentioned scones -- the Wolverine wouldn't be seen dead in a bicycle helmet -- but to remain on duty fetching and carrying for dad until late afternoon.

And, it now seems, on an empty stomach too.

Up to the other day, your husband explains, the Wolverine had been providing a five-star, blue-ribbon service.

Pots of tea, plates of biscuits and buttered scones, with jam in a little side dish, had arrived promptly at 11am every day for the past week.

Lunchtime had brought some very nice home-made soups and nice thick sandwiches too, and the kitchen, he observed, had been kept spotless.

Alas, as of yesterday, the quality of the service had suddenly deteriorated and as of today, had completely stopped.

The men had to fetch and butter their own scones. They got no lunch. The kitchen was untidy and the sink overflowing with dirty dishes when they clomped in to find out what the hell was going on.

The Wolverine is called to account and your husband makes a connection between the quality of food served by his daughter and the presence, until yesterday, of a handsome young carpenter with a penchant for going bare-chested in the sun.

Since the handsome young carpenter finished work the men of the family have been left without their blue-ribbon nosh.

If this continued, your husband warns, the Wolverine could find her lifts to town getting scarce.

The Wolverine scowls.

The court is adjourned.

Normal service resumes.

Irish Independent

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