A Christmas season jam-packed with festive weddings and engagements can often leave singletons feeling a bit more conscious of being alone.
Irish success coach Fionnuala Wall believes that to find the ideal partner one must consider a number of factors focused on pinpointing past mistakes, building self-confidence and reflecting the qualities you hope to find in a partner in yourself.
Here are her top tips to make 2015 your most romantically successful year yet.
Analyse your past relationships
If you’re hoping to find love in 2015, it’s important to look at your past relationships and ask yourself why they went wrong. Fionnuala believes that we often play a particular role in a relationship and it’s important to evaluate whether or not this had a part to play in a relationship breakdown.
“Look at your past experiences and yourself what didn’t work and what did. Figure out what identity you played in the relationship. For instance were you passive or dominating?
“Did this have an effect on your partner’s growth or your own development? If this identity or behaviour impacted your relationship breakdown consciously work towards changing it even in your relationships with your colleagues and friends."
Stop focusing on your ex
It may be easier said than done but setting personal goals in other aspects of your life could help you move towards a healthier relationship this year. While one cannot simply stop thinking about an ex partner, other aspects of life can be focused on to help heal the hurt caused by the end of a relationship.
“It’s important to remember that no partner is wrong for you. Finding a good partner all depends on how much we love ourselves,” said Fionnuala.
“Finding the right partner is about taking control of your past and asking yourself why you behaved a certain way with an ex and if it applies, why you allowed them to treat you a certain way.
“Focus on other aspects of your life for a while, for instance your career goals or your physical fitness as a distraction. Achieving these goals helps to build confidence which plays a large part in finding a suitable partner.”
What do you want in a partner?
More often than not, opposites do not attract and those with similar motivations, personality traits and qualities are usually the best matched.
Fionnuala believes it is important to mirror the qualities you want in a partner in yourself.
“Cultivate the same qualities in yourself as you expect to find in a partner. If you are seeking a loyal, honest partner who works hard and who is interested in fitness for example it is important to reflect these qualities in yourself.
“Visualising the kind of relationship you would like to have regularly is important. What do you envision your relationship to be? Is it a realistic expectation?”
Meet people in the right place
In Ireland, so many of our relationships are formed on nights out and a lot of time is spent in busy night clubs and bars. If this scene isn’t helping you meet new people, Fionnuala advises you be proactive about joining new groups and clubs which genuinely interest you.
“If nightclubs aren’t for you, why not join an activity that genuinely makes you happy? Becoming involved in new groups opens your circle and allows you to meet people of similar interests and motivations,” said Fionnuala.
Don’t rely solely on online dating
Social media apps like Tinder and Gridr as well as dating websites are a great way to open yourself up to new people and romantic experiences. However, Fionnuala believes that it is important not just to limit yourself to finding romance behind a screen.
“Online dating is great and it’s a great way for those looking to build up their confidence but why limit yourself? Make sure you get out and meet new people in other ways too. A healthy balance between online dating and involving yourself in new circles will help you build confidence and open yourself up to other romantic opportunities,” she said.
Build your confidence
Self confidence is a huge part of finding a healthy relationship. Fionnuala believes that a kind and loving relationship with yourself is reflective in the types of relationships you form with others.
“If your confidence is low, building that up is a priority. People seem to think that confidence is something you are born with but that is not true. Working to improve aspects of your life will help to build up that confidence. If you treat yourself with love and kindness it will be more likely that you’ll find a partner who does the same.”
Fionnuala Wall is a Success and Break-Up Coach
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