Wednesday 25 April 2018

Could someone listen to Michael D?

Dear President Higgins,

Congratulations on your speech during the week, where you warned against repeating the mistakes of the last boom. Unfortunately nobody was paying attention - we were too busy trying to figure out if we could afford a new BMW.

We were big fans of those kinds of speeches in the past. It's fair to say we were dead set against materialism when we didn't have a bob. Of course, that's all changed now.

You wouldn't say we are loaded yet. Leo Varadkar came out recently and said the budget tax changes would probably only give us an extra tenner. Leo is usually spot on about these things. But that's the first tenner anyone has given us in ages. On top of that, the Financial Times ran an article saying we're fantastic. You know yourself, Michael D, the way we go mad after a few kind words from the British press.

Keep making the anti-materialism speeches if you like. (Mary McAleese made similar noises during the last boom, and, in fairness, it didn't do anyone any harm.) Just remember that we won't be listening. The only thing we want to hear now is that some bank or other is re-introducing tracker mortgages. All the best, The People of Ireland. P.S. How much do you want for Aras an Uachtarain? We're cash buyers and we're not in a chain.

Pat Fitzpatrick

Sunday Independent

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