Substitutes ready to take Kenny's place in debate
Vincent Browne is threatening to leave an empty seat if Enda Kenny fails to show up for next week's TV3 leaders' debate. Here are some potential substitutes who may or may not be better than Enda.
Clive the Labradoodle: Enda's best pal, Clive the assistance dog, already has the blonde hair and the warm personality. Nods a lot and does what he's told by minders.
Tub of Lard: When Labour grandee Roy Hattersley failed to show up for the BBC satire 'Have I Got News For You', a tub of lard was given his spot.
Cardboard Poster: When a live link to RTE broke down last week, leaving Enda unable to hear questions, wags said it resulted in one of his better performances.
Phil Hogan: Often spoken of as Fine Gael's real leader, Big Phil would assume his natural place in the leaders' debate. Unlike Clive, he barks and he bites too.