Floating Voter: Bertie's nailed on for return to election fold
The bland, blasé and belligerent guide to Elections 2014
A SURPRISE candidate has joined the local election race in Co Limerick – blue-eyed Bertie Ahern.
A poster of the former Taoiseach has mysteriously appeared on a pole on the main Limerick to Cork road near O'Rourke's Cross, Bruree, almost stopping motorists in their tracks.
The poster has been nailed on the pole with a piece of timber.
It urges the electorate to 'Vote Bertie's Team'.
"It's controversial enough. There are a lot of people talking about it and wondering who put it up there," said a local this week.
The poster – which was erected almost a fortnight ago – has already been daubed with graffiti, with someone penning 'why not' across Bertie's crease-free forehead. "Somebody must have been storing it away because that's an old poster," continued the local.
"A bit of thought went into it. It's a very busy road and whoever did it was determined to make sure it went up. They must have drove there with it. It's not something you would be walking around with under your arm," he added.
AND THE OSCAR GOES TO ... FG'S SCRIPTWRITERS
Oh the humanity.
Fine Gael's back-from-the-brink party political broadcast features a series of grateful punters reminiscing.
"There were no jobs. A lot of my friends were emigrating. I didn't want to leave home but it looked like I might have no choice," whined a young businesswoman in the video.
She then walks down the street and into an office.
Except the office just happens to be Fine Gael HQ. Either times were tough in FG HQ during the recession – or she's an actress.
GREENS PLEDGE SWEET DREAMS FOR FOLLOWERS
As if coming along to admire the thinking woman's crumpet, Eamon Ryan, wasn't enough, the Green Party is now using real crumpet to attract punters to their events.
The Greens will be launching their 'Building a Better Dublin' document in a cafe in the capital where the party alleges, in an unsubstantiated fashion: "FREE delicious cakes will be available."
To much swooning, no doubt, Eamon will also be outlining his "vision" on the matter.
GRACE PICKS A PRIME TIME TO TAKE ON RTE
She took on the French and Soviet navies during her time as a Greenpeace activist.
And now Green Party candidate for Ireland South Grace O'Sullivan has her sights fixed on RTE.
The Ireland South candidate has criticised the way RTE 'Prime Time' has split the MEP debate panels into two, with representatives from Fine Gael, Labour, Sinn Fein and Fianna Fail in the main debate and the "lesser" panel made up of all the 11 other contenders.
Given her past record, presumably she'll be boarding Montrose any day now.