Monday 18 December 2017

A bit of a do about doo-doo

ON Easter Monday night, Fianna Fáil's director of elections Timmy Dooley, pictured, returned to his city centre hotel after a long day on the campaign trail with the party's Euro candidate for Dublin, Mary Fitzpatrick.

The Clare TD changed from his suit into casual clobber and headed out for a late-night dinner with Cork's Billy Kelleher. But disaster struck as soon as Timmy stepped on to the pavement.

"All of a sudden I was covered in the biggest pile of bird-***** that I've ever seen. It was so large that I thought I'd end up with whiplash," he explained. The appalled TDs conferred, and concluded that poor Timmy had been aerially bombed "by a carnivorous swan which had eaten a rat for lunch".

Which makes perfect sense, really.

Such was the extent – and scent – of the (literally) flying doo-doo that Timmy had to beat a hasty retreat back upstairs, into the shower and a fresh change of clothes.

"In my fury, Billy tried to console me that getting hit by bird-droppings is a sign of good luck which bodes well for Mary in the election," he reckoned hopefully.

Judging by Doo-doo Dooley's description of the swan-present, Mary should top the poll, win the lottery, and end up as President of the EU Commission . . .

Irish Independent

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