Thursday 14 December 2017

Greens go a bit Fawlty as they lose the plot

What's that you're humming? It's catchy, if ear-splittingly off key.

Duh-duh duh-du . . . ah it's yourself. Sure it's a grand oul song altogether. You must know it from when you were a chisler, "I stepped out and I stepped in again, learning to dance for Lanigan's Ball".

Stop -- the dog's beginning to howl. But why are you singing that?

The sandy-haired fella in the roundy room put it in my head. He was having a go at the Organic Headless Chickens Party and started slagging them off for losing the plot. He reckoned they were like the messers in 'Lanigan's Ball'.

It was a colourful remark, but accurate nonetheless. After two years of conducting themselves with a degree of maturity during their first tour of duty in government, the Green Party does indeed appear to have lost the plot.

They haven't lost the plot, just swapped it for one from Fawlty Towers. Their recent carry-on has been bonkers.

Party leader John Gormley does remind one of the hapless hotel owner trying to stop guests from storming off, while his pragmatic sidekick Eamon Ryan surveys the shenanigans with Sybil-like dismay.

First yer woman Deirdre marched off in a right huff, claiming that Basil is about as useful as a pair of wellies in the Gobi desert. She was in a right doodah about not getting that job in Brussels.

Yes, the departure of Senator de Burca was a blow alright. But other parties have suffered similar losses recently -- Fine Gael lost George Lee, and then Fianna Fail's Willie O'Dea walked the plank.

Yeah, but wasn't it Basil and Co who pushed Wonky Willie off, after they trotted to the narky fella and demanded the moustache of his compadre on a plate?

The Greens did indeed tell the Taoiseach Brian Cowen that he either hand over the head of his Defence Minister or the coalition partners would abandon ship.

But then they were back in the wars when not-so-clever Trevor hit the headlines and resigned.

Alas, the next twist in the tale was the sudden resignation of junior minister Trevor Sargent over inappropriate letters he'd written to the gardai in relation to a police matter involving a constituent.

That was a shocker. No one saw that coming, in fairness. And no one can understand the latest plot-line either.

TV3 broke a bizarre story last week that the Greens had an arrangement whereby John Gormley would hand over his position as Environment Minister to another party deputy in the mid-term reshuffle. And then Dan Boyle tweeted that they hoped to get another junior ministry in any shake-up.

The others must be gobsmacked.

Fianna Fail are agog. They can't comprehend the concept of any minister voluntarily relinquishing power without being heaved out.

And, of course, now the banana bunch are all making like his nibs, Manuel the waiter. After their big pow-wow on Thursday, didn't they all swear that they knew nothing?

Indeed. But at least no one blamed Dermot Ahern this time.

Jaysis, bud. Don't mention the war.

Irish Independent

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