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The Twits: O'Keeffe mentions disgruntled elephant in room

"NED O'KEEFFE, I think I love you."

The amorous declarations for the outgoing Fianna Fail TD yesterday afternoon were a little bizarre, but then the man himself has some experience in this area.

"Our political system is going to fail further," the Corkman had ominously told a local newspaper earlier.

"The two Brians have made a right mess of the country and I see the real possibility of an Army coup." Perhaps he should pull the curtains.

Either way, good to know we are finally talking about real issues in this election.

"Ned O'Keeffe will cause a coup in biology when we figure out how he apparently functions without any recognisable brain," a rather mean Noodlin McHoodle (possibly not his real name) said.

In fact, everyone knows a coup d'etat has been the elephant in the room for some time. The latest debate -- this time as Gaeilge on TG4 -- raised the possibility on the same tired excuses, but in a different language. "Bhi me i mo chodladh ar feadh 4 bliana deag agus, go tobann, d'eirigh me tri sheachtaine o shin," was Clare Delargy's take on Micheal Martin.

Others foresaw other difficulties.

"What happens if one of them loses the cool?" asked Annie West.

"Does he still have to storm off as Gaeilge? How strict are the rules anyway?"

Not that strict, as it turned out. But then some of our politicians have long been adept at bending the rules, or snapping them in half.

"So what if Charlie liked nice women and a few extra nice shirts?" one man asked of Charles J Haughey Esq yesterday.

"He was the best leader we ever had."

The man doing the talking was, of course, Ned O'Keeffe.

Irish Independent