Wednesday 21 February 2018

Others 551, Migrants 0

A new group called Migrants For Ireland points out that there isn't a single ethnic minority representative among the 551 candidates standing at this election. It makes you wonder why their fellow newcomers, anti-immigrant party Pegida (aka Patriotic Europeans Against The Islamisation Of The West), are bothering to run any candidates at all. It sounds like they've already got exactly what they want.

As alike as two Pearses in a pod

Anyone else spot the uncanny resemblance between SF finance spokesman Pearse Doherty and EastEnders' Cockney heartthrob Danny Dyer? It's all in the frowny, squinty thing they both do with their eyes when trying to show that, underneath the gruff, tough-guy exterior, there beats a heart of gold. Of course, one of them's only acting, but it's not for me to say which one.

On your bike, Eamon

Murders in Dublin. Stock markets tumbling. Pensioners on trolleys. So naturally when they launched their manifesto last week in a bid to convince voters that they really do still exist, the Greens decided that the big issue facing the Irish people right now was… pedestrianising College Green. Nero fiddled while Rome burned. The Greens go cycling.

Once upon a time the Greens were famous for not having a leader. The Social Democrats nabbed that as their Unique Selling Point. The Greens' new USP is that, despite now having a leader, the one they've got, former minister Eamon Ryan, hasn't been invited to Monday's leaders' debate on RTE, whilst others who don't officially belong to a party, only technical groups of random TDs, have been.

Like the Beastie Boys, Ryan is fighting for his right to (the) party, but it could be argued that he's getting far more chances to moan about not being there than he'd ever have got had RTE just let him join the melee.

Six of the best

Here's a few of the mysteries which inexplicably didn't make it on to Google's list of the most searched-for questions of the election.

1 As Danny joins the race in Kerry South, exactly how many more Healy-Raes are there stashed away at home for emergencies?

2 If FG TDs are to get a free vote on abortion in future, what was the point of ousting Lucinda Creighton?

3 Just how high did Mary Lou jump in pleasure on hearing that Sean Barrett won't be seeking re-election as Ceann Comhairle.

4 After Enda was heckled about water charges in the city, how soon will the Tourist Board be adopting the protesters' slogan "get out of Cork, you langer"?

5 If TDs are to be paid the same as the people they represent, as demanded by People Before Profit, does that apply to those whose constituents include RTE presenters? If so, kerching!

6 If scientists can find gravity waves deep in space, how come no one knows where Alan Kelly's gone?

Sunday Independent

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