Tuesday 25 June 2019

Weekipedia: Bono says he's sorry for the €100m giveaway

John O'Shea celebrates scoring
Kim Bielenberg

Kim Bielenberg

Spare a thought for Bono, who apologised after Apple gave away U2's latest album to users of iTunes, whether they wanted it or not.

In a Facebook Q and A session, he was asked: "Can you please never release an album on iTunes that automatically downloads to people's playlists ever again? It's really rude."

Bono replied: "I'm sorry about that. I had this beautiful idea and we got carried away. Artists are prone to that kind of thing. Drop of megalomania... dash of self-promotion…"

Oh well, at least the reported €100 million paid by Apple to U2 for the giveaway may help Bono to overcome his remorse.

How impolite of singer Taylor Swift to suggest that her pal, the Anglo-Irish performer, Ed Sheeran, has "the sense of humour of an eight-year-old".

This was put to the test this week when the flame-haired warbler was asked for his favourite joke.

Ed: "What do you call an elephant that doesn't mean anything? An irrelephant."

Yes, probably best to stick to the singing.

Good Week


The jolly aul fellas in the Vatican were holding a synod to discuss the family. They want to do more to accommodate gay folk, divorcees, and those in “non-traditional, irregular relationships”. You see there was this guy and his mother was a virgin, and he had two dads…


It’s the big new development in brolly technology. Boffins have developed an “invisible alternative” to the umbrella, which uses a jet of air to redirect falling rain. The battery-powered device is said to look like a toilet plunger

So how can you poke someone in the eye on a bus?

Bad Week


The top TV chef moaned that he can’t go anywhere without people talking about what they had for dinner.

“Shopping is almost impossible. The only way I can do it is if I put a scarf around my head... then I get abused for looking like the Taliban.”

Now there’s an idea for a show — Jamie Cooks Taliban.


Puffers were left wheezing in disgust at the budget as a pack of cigarettes was hiked by 40 cent and will cost €10.

On the plus side, child benefit is increased by €5 per child. So have two kids — and you can buy another pack of fags.

Headline of the week

Drunken Santa Zombie enters St Paul Home


"It's Trapattoni with a Derry accent"

Eamon Dunphy on Ireland under Martin O'Neill after Ireland's 1-1 draw away to Germany


The age of austerity officially ended on Tuesday when John O'Shea scored an equaliser against Germany:


How apt austerity ends in Germany as John O'Shea morphs into Michael Noonan. It does live on in the football studio in Montrose however.

Few could avoid linking the budget and the victorious draw:


Noonan denies putting 1 billion of budget on bet with Merkel that Ireland will beat Germany tonight in the football #Budget15

And then there were the celebrations:


Goethe, Mann, Wagner, Luther…your boys took a hell of a….draw…#coybig #GERvIRL"

And now that the recession is over...


Phil Coulter can finally afford to get a new lick of cream paint on all his suits again #HooraytheRecessionIsOver

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