We need a Tubs sub, but does it have to be the ubiquitous Doyle?
Craig Doyle must be eliminated. Nah, not really (before he has me arrested for making threats). That was a memorable catchphrase introduced by Après Match, lampooning the Dubliner's ubiquity on television.
He seemed – seems – to be everywhere. And now he's on radio too.
Ryan Tubridy is off for his annual stint on BBC, so his 2fm show needed a substitute. Enter Craig. And he's . . . fine, I guess. But is "fine, I guess" good enough?
There's something awfully predictable about the choice of replacements. What qualities, exactly, does Doyle possess that made him the stand-out candidate for this job?
He's a perfectly likeable chap, but lots of people are likeable. I'm likeable. I wouldn't put me in Tubridy's programme. There are better radio broadcasters out there, with more experience, who'd have been more suitable.
At least Simon Delaney – another Tubs sub – was a bit of a wildcard. As it happened, the gamble worked, Delaney was good. Even if it hadn't, something different and imaginative was tried; it could have been marked as an interesting failure.
But this seems uninspired, even lazy, as though someone said; "Ryan's away. Who'll we put in?" and Craig Doyle happened to walk past and the other person said, "What about him?" "Yeah, that'll do – let's get lunch."
Ah, Doyle isn't really the problem: it's the symptom of a deeper malaise. Although while on the subject, I really don't like his accent. It's that smooth, homogenised, "media" intonation: part posh Dublin, a touch of the UK, a little American twang.
And it's everywhere on Irish radio. Whatever happened to regional accents: Cork, Galway, working-class Dublin, and the hundreds of others? You hear hardly any now – not even on regional radio.
I saw the phenomenon cited somewhere as an example of class-based snobbery. Is that why almost everyone on our airwaves sounds like they grew up in SoCoDu, or wants you to think they did?
Presenters are bad; contributors are even worse, especially the women. They all talk in that super-fast, Americanised, "pardee/siddee/Twidder" way.
After a while, more-or-less all I can hear is "bidda-bidda-bidda". Recently I heard two women on radio together, one of them from Cork and one from Dublin . . . and they were literally indistinguishable.
This problem – it must be eliminated.