THE SOAPBOX: Secrets & spoilers
Child-snatching, wet shoulders and scary sisters Emmerdale Prepare yourselves for some amazing acting from the bloke who plays Rishi this week; he only has a heart attack due to the stress of being Archie's pretendy dad. This is all the proof Charity needs, apparently. Marlon reckons Rhona's back on the drugs (she's probably sporting the ponytail again), so he decides to keep Leo. Paddy doesn't take too kindly to this, so he takes Leo, and so on.
Fair City Looking around at what used to be her home, Judith nearly breaks down at the Brennans' housewarming soiree. Thankfully, Carol's on hand to bang out a few ice-breakers. Further buttock clenching moments – at the party and throughout the week – come courtesy of Callum's mother, Jane. Caoimhe surprisingly offers her a shoulder to cry on when she finds Decco in a distressed state. Before long, she's suggesting he scatter Paddy's ashes in the Dublin Mountains, possibly because of all the 'work' he did up there. Ama moves into Sean's gaff, while Orla baulks at the idea of Wayne sticking his posters up on her walls.
EastEnders Hang about, Shirley's got a sister. She goes by the name of Tina and enjoys making a nuisance of herself. Joey is still babbling incoherently thanks to Alice's incarceration, so he sets about getting closer to Janine. Carl has some home troofs for Max regarding his relationship with Kirsty; Lauren has several lip-quivering moments with Jake; while Ronnie – yet again – voices her concern about Alfie and Kat, so Roxy makes a rash decision.
Coronation Street David's stubble really starts to establish itself this week as he finds himself sleeping rough and scuffling with Peter Barlow. In other Platt/Tisley/McIntyre news, it would seem Nick's returned to work waaaaaaay too soon. Todd effectively steals one of Streetcars' cabs in a quest to make more money; Faye and Grace hurl more stones at Mary's motor home; while Beth smuggles some of Sinead's knickers into the factory.
Ros na Run Don't fret – Dara may just have a buyer for Gaudi's. Elsewhere, it looks like Alanna's lost interest in David already.