The soapbox: A guide to what's happening this week
Abscondings, poker games and presumptions are just some of the soap events in store this week.
Coronation Street: David's limited array of mardy faces, the 'perma-snarls' if you will, are over-employed again this week. He sends Leanne flowers on the sly, leaving Nick squinting up a storm under the presumption that they're from Peter.
In the absence of her father, Faye – starved of emotional support and actual food – gets caught nicking snacks from Dev's, so expect more wild-eyed bellowing from Anna.
Elsewhere, Roy's sleepwalking reaches new heights when he tries to burn down the café.
EastEnders: Abi is the Branning daughter breaking down this week, which makes a change. Cora catches Ava and Sam cavorting, and demands that Dexter be informed immediately.
Carl asks ex-fiance Kirsty out on a date, which she'll no doubt accept; no woman in Walford can function without a man of some sort. Speaking of which, Ian finds himself grovelling to Denise after Jean convinces herself that the Beale fancies her, which leads to all manner of chaos in Scarlett's.
The presence of Bianca, Shirley and a rake-load of booze only serves to exacerbate matters.
Emmerdale: Moira starts to fret about Adam and Katie's dalliance, which is fair enough considering Declan didn't take too kindly to the young buck bedding his last wife.
Charity enlists Cameron's help to get her daughter back on track, which results in the inevitable kiss, followed by Debbie absconding with her kids.
Diane convinces herself that Steve and Nicola are having an affair, while Vanessa comes up with yet another plan to get Rhona off the meds – because the last plan worked out so well.
Fair City: Leo's finances are looking up, so naturally he sets up a poker night with Iguana Bishop. Yvonne's plan to break up Cardle 'n' Fardle ratchets up a gear when she convinces Dublin's most highly functioning heroin addict to kidnap Jack. It's not long before Carol is plotting her revenge. There will be lipgloss ...
Prepare yourselves to see Vivienne in a state of distress when Paddy misinterprets her want for a divorce as a come-on; Luke blows his chance to confess; and Orla finds her perfect match. It's probably Wayne.
Sheena McGinley is the editor of entertainment.ie