Tuesday 20 March 2018

Kirsty Blake Knox: Turkey testicles for Joey Essex on I’m A Celeb

Joey Essex
Joey Essex

Huzzah! Day Two in the jungle and lovable idiot Joey Essex went head to head with TV star Matthew Wright in the Bushtucker Trial; Monday Night Takeaway.

Seeing celebs chow down on creepy crawlies and alligator anus is 95pc of the reason why most of us watch I’m A Celeb and last night didn’t disappoint. 

Both Joey and Matthew were courageous; stuffing turkey testicles, kangaroo penises and camels toe into their mouths.

There was also plenty of grimacing, gurning and dry wretching - which always makes for compulsive viewing. And Joey offered unique insight each of the five courses on offer.

Joey enlightened us all when he commented that kangaroos genital taste just like a “school rubber covered in wee and dipped in vinegar and tomato ketchup”. De-lightful.

After all the gristly and grizzly courses it came to a dead heat. It was all or nothing - the victor would return to their camp with food, glorious food. The loser would return with a bruised ego and nothing. 

The two men were given a malty looking milkshake made of ground cockroaches. They both downed it in one but Joey won the trial.

Matthew was less than happy. “I started the day hungry and I don’t feel hungry anymore.  I feel sick,” he said. “I’d like to think I’ve done enough to avoid another Bush Tucker Trial for some time.”

Tough luck loser - both Joey and Matthew are up for the next Bushtucker Trial - which sees them getting in a large box and filled up to their neck by a variety of what Ant likes to call “jungle nasties” (insects) .

Old Joey Essex isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed; he thinks squares have six sides and Wales is an island situated next to Russia. That’s not a joke.

And last night he admitted he had difficulty telling the time. Thankfully, resident jungle hottie was on hand to help Joey master the concept of time and read a wrist watch.

The pair’s mild flirtation is starting to blossom. “How do you still smell nice?” Amy asked Joey while smelling his neck.

“I’ve washed myself over, that’s it,” the silver tongued charmer responded.

Amy spent a good deal of time stripping off and talking about how lucky she was to have her body go ‘in and out in the right places’.

The men and Olympian Rebecca may have impressed with her washboard stomach and ample assets but Eastenders star Laila said she was just as slim back in the day and unearthed the secret to staying toned and trim - plenty of sex. ““Lots of sex keeps your weight off,” she said. “It makes you right slim, believe me.”

The champion swimmer caused a stir when she admitted all the UK Olympian team pee in the pool.

“I always pee in the pool,” she said. “You have two hours in there, you can’t get out. Everyone does it.

“If you’re full on training you cannot get out. You’ve just got to go,” she insisted.

“Lucky you don’t want a dump then!” Laila quipped. Such wit!

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