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JR Ewing's best Dallas insults

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Larry Hagman as JR Ewing in 1982

Larry Hagman as JR Ewing in 1982

Larry Hagman as JR Ewing in 1982

Larry Hagman's JR Ewing, who has returned to the screen in the new Dallas, was famous for his acerbic one-liners. Here are 20 of the best.

"Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp and an unfit mother."



• "Once you get rid of integrity, the rest is a piece of cake."



• "Never underestimate the elderly!"



• "Like my daddy always said, where there's a way, there's a will."



• "He bit me! Cliff Barnes, that rodent!"



• "A conscience is like a boat or a car. If you feel you need one, rent it."



• "You know,Sue Ellen,I do believe you're going ninety miles an hour toward a nervous breakdown. We're going to have to do something about your ravings."



• "A marriage is like a salad: the man has to know how to keep his tomatoes on the top!"



• "You should go to sleep Sue Ellen, you know how haggard you look when you don't get your full eight hours!?"



• "Never tell the truth when a good lie'll do!"



• "Mary Lee, if you don't hurry, someone else is gonna get your street corner!"

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• "Revenge is the single most satisfying feeling in the world!"



• "All that matters is winning."



• "The only place your daddy's nose ever led him was to skid row!"



• "Why don't you have that junior plastic surgeon you married design you a new face? One without a mouth!"



• "Why don't you go home, diaper your baby and take care of that nutty wife of yours?"



• "What did you do, Sue Ellen? Pick up a case of whooping cough from your teenage lover?"



• "There's nothing like the smell of money to get the relatives out of the woodwork."



• "Ray never did feel comfortable eating with the family; after all we do use knives and forks."



• "I'm J.R. Ewing, I don't get ulcers, I give 'em


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