Monday 21 May 2018

People are talking: Aidan and Seamus ride again as Poldark returns

Aidan Turner rides again
Aidan Turner rides again
Michael O'Leary

Anne Marie Scanlon

They're back! Tonight marks the return of two of Ireland's greatest living exports to a telly box near you. Yes, Aidan Turner rides again on Seamus the Horse. Poldark returns!

Ever since Ross Poldark removed his shirt, took his mighty scythe in his hand and swung it, audiences in both Ireland and the UK have been hooked on the goings-on in 18th century Cornwall. Thanks to Turner (left) and his mighty steed, Poldark is appointment TV.

Sure, the plots are full of cliches, men who look like Toby Jugs (Turner and Adam Ant are the only people in history to look good in a Tricorn hat) and people on cliffs staring moodily into the distance, but we don't care!

The BBC could have saved a fortune on period costumes and just put Turner on the screen for an hour reading aloud from the phone book. Sitting on Seamus, obviously.

You don't have to be mad to live in Ireland, but it helps

Michael O'Leary

The Apple tax row is the final proof we've all been looking for that the country has gone stark raving mad.

Politicians are now competing on the airwaves to tell us how they'd spend billions of euros of imaginary money that we're very unlikely to ever get anyway.

The EU is furious that we gave special treatment to US corporations who didn't cause the crash, while demanding that we give billions to banks who did. Those who hate the EU have suddenly decided that the Eurocrats are heroes for standing up to Apple. Those who said we had to do everything the EU ordered are now fighting the EU when it wants to give us lots of free money.

As for Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary (above), urging the government to tell Europe to "f*** off" only weeks after saying the Brits would be mad to do the same - well, it's why we love him.

At this point, it's looking very much as if there's not a single person in the country who has a clue what's going on, or who really knows which side is right or wrong - but they're all afraid to admit it.

Since when did 'it's complicated - both sides probably have a good point' become so hard to say?

Trump and his best friends

Pat Fitzpatrick

We're not sure why Donald Trump went to Mexico on Wednesday. Maybe he was trying to show the locals the benefit of a wall to stop transit between the two countries. ("It isn't just for rapists and murderers, folks, it will make sure that incredibly rude megalomaniacs stay at home as well!")

Or maybe he couldn't resist the opportunity to stand in front of a press conference while there and say: "Some of my best friends are Mexicans." (He actually did that. It's hard to think of a funnier person in the world right now.)

Whatever the reason for his visit, it didn't work. The Mexican president reminded him he wouldn't pay for the wall. Donald flew home and told a rally in Arizona that he would build the wall and deport all illegal immigrants. Take that, Mexico.

You know what this means? A visit to Ireland. If events this week showed anything, it's that Ireland has a special welcome for filthy-rich Americans. Come on over, Donald, we're all about red carpets, harps and nudge-nudge tax deals.

We're also pretty sure we could get you a slot on one of the newly returned chat shows. It would be so hilarious.

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