10 tips on how to get lucky on New Year's Eve
New Year's Eve 2013: You want to start the year how you mean to go on. That might mean dancing crazily with your pals - or it might mean kissing a great guy. Either way, Rebecca Holman has got you covered with her top 10 NYE tips
If Mike from the Post Room eluded you at the work Christmas party, and you fear you’ll see out the rest of 2013 without so much as a grope (I’m writing this nearly at the end of the festive break from the back of my parent’s car, so I really do sympathise), then don’t fear.
It’s New Year’s Eve today, which means there’s still everything to play for.
New Year’s Eve is the perfect storm of booze, fancy frocks and terrifying pressure to snog someone at midnight, which turns even the coolest ice queen into a sobbing, tequila-soaked lunatic by 11.55 if she’s the only one of her friends not to have paired off.
After all, if you believe that how you start your year off is indicative of how the rest of it is going to go, then do you really want to greet 2014 in by scream singing to Dancing On My Own by Robyn, crying, while all your friends slow dance, obliviously, around you with their new paramours? Answer: no.
Of course, there are two sides to this coin, like the Christmas party before it, the pressure to cop off with someone on New Year’s Eve means that your judgment can go seriously out of the window.
You might not want to spend the evening drunkenly doing the Macarena on your own in the corner, but nor do you want to wake up on New Year’s Day with someone who actually says “hash tag LAD” out loud at the end of the story about how he once downed a bottle of Apple Sourz in 27 seconds.
Or with a bloke you have to rush to A&E when he breaks his collarbone trying to sneak out undetected (by you) in the middle of the night.
What you want, ideally is to either head home with your entire contingent of female friends, eat burnt garlic bread and drink cups of tea till six in the morning while you drunkenly tell each other how great you all are, or wake up in the morning next to one of the hottest men you’ve ever seen, who makes you a full English breakfast, which he feeds you while lovingly gazing into your eyes, before dropping you home with a promise to call that evening (spoiler: he does).
Sounds like the impossible dream? Of course not, you just need to use the magic of New Year’s Eve in your favour. Here’s how…
1. Don’t preload before the party. As tempting as this is, you’ll be too hammered when you arrive to tell who’s acceptable shagging fodder and who isn’t.
2. If you decide there’s no-one who takes your fancy at this point, then leave it. Have a drink; dance with your mates; enjoy yourself. If you must snog someone at midnight, make it the DJ – you’ll have bragging rights all evening and can insist on a bespoke playlist of music catering to your personal tastes for the rest of the evening.
3. On the other hand, if you’ve got your eye on someone early on, try and hammer out some sort of gentlewoman’s agreement with your friends while you’re still sober, there’s nothing as undignified as three attractive, intelligent women all throwing themselves at the same mediocre man.
4. Of course, it’s possible that one of your friends might break this rule after several pints of wine. If they do, it’s entirely acceptable to use it against them in arguments for the whole of the following year. Also: don’t be that friend.
5. Don’t wear your glittery, Christmas frock. New Year’s Eve is all about your sexiest, most dangerous Little Black Dress.
6. Don’t get too hammered before midnight. This is a rule I flout every year with gay abandon, but do as I say, not as I do. If there’s a choice between the hot girl who can hold a conversation and stand upright unaided or the one who’s slurring her words and swaying as if on a boat, most will opt for the former. At least before 2.18am anyway, which is the exact moment when people get a bit desperate and grabbing anything they can get.
7. Don’t go home with anyone who only started talking to you at some point after 2.18am.
8. Look for a man who seem to have a lot of friends, is funny, offers to buy you a drink (because it means he’s kind, not because it means he’s rich) and asks you a lot of questions about yourself.
9. Avoid men who can’t really explain who they know at the party or who they’re there with, are casually racist or sexist and dismiss it as ‘banter,’ or are married.
10. Like I said, start the year how you mean to go on. And if your night does happen to end with you and your best mates, dancing on the table, singing your heads off, long after all the eligible men have given up and gone home? I’d call that a job well done.
Go forth and conquer ladies. I’ll see you on the other side. Oh yes, and happy new year!