The life and times of @BoringKearney: Six Nations time
This week's imagined life of Rob and Dave...
Ah yes, that time of year again we have all been waiting for - no not lambing season or the anniversary of the ice age ending, but the Six Nations.
Dave had a big X on the calendar to mark the occasion, which I wasn't overly happy about as the red ink ran into the next month, so there is a high possibility I will be there in March wondering why I had the date marked. I might have to put a mark over that mark to remind me that it isn't a mark at all. I can sense hilarity ensuing that day I can tell you.
You could say the Six Nations is the highlight of a rugby player's year, a bit like if you were an ice-cream man on the sunny day we normally get in the middle of July. If January is my favourite month, then February is definitely my second-most-favourite month. I don't want to get over excited just yet but there is a bit of a stretch in the evenings, possibly a 4.2 second stretch day on day if you pushed me for an answer.
A couple of weeks before the Six Nations begins we normally go into camp. I have to say, the bin man is great and he will know we are in camp so he lets us bring our own rubbish to the recycling plant after the tournament ends. We usually have the banter with the lads. I might think I spotted a Ragu jar but it could turn out to be a jam jar! The craic is serious.
We normally go into camp in Kildare. it's so funny, I say camp but we don't actually camp at all, it's hilarious. Last year me and Dave were in room 2741 and this year we are in room 2471, what are the chances? That's only 270 rooms away! Of course when you are away with the lads, we get up to all sorts, like last year some of us snuck down to Tesco in Maynooth to check out a black pudding demonstration and we ended up in Heatons until all hours. Some of the lads had to go to Cork for the 'A' game and I asked Ian if he took the M4, then the M50, then the M7 followed by the M8. Ian said they did. I said to Ian I thought so, Ian said I was like a walking sat nav. Well I laughed for 24 seconds. I didn't ask him if they came back that way, but if I was asked in a court of law I would be pretty confident they did.
Of course, you may be aware of a bit of controversy surrounding an incident which Brian wrote about in his book. I can clarify that yes, I did use the trouser press to put creases in my shorts. Looking back now it was misuse of hotel property, but hey, we were just after winning the Six Nations, I felt entitled to celebrate and if we win again this year I won't hesitate to celebrate just as hard. What a time to be alive!