While it's tempting to devote the column to Corrie's David Platt, and his ability to maintain a cracking tan while incarcerated, we'll instead focus on a reunion that's been over two years in the making.
Hasn't Katy dealt with her own incarceration at the hands of Ciarán, and the resulting Vitamin D deficiency, with remarkable ease?
Her life is coming together in the wake of her ordeal, with an advance on a book deal, writing retreats in (upper) New York, etc.
How would she navigate such a setback as coming face-to-face with her captor - who, ironically, is now hiding in his old apartment?
The only contact Ciarán seems to have is with his beloved Tessa and young Alex, who's been instrumental in informing him of the day-to-day, most notably the existence of nephew, Fionn. Tessa has been keeping Fionn secret, you know, on account of Emmet being his father and Ciarán hating Emmet to the point of holding his sister, Katy, hostage in a cupboard at the back of his garage for over a year.
Despite her reservations, Tessa finally introduces Ciarán to Fionn this week and is pleasantly surprised at how well they get on.
Meanwhile, a few doors down, Katy and Eoghan are busy pondering why Tessa and Fionn haven't been to visit. Katy, not being one to take things lying down, storms around to Tessa's to find out what's going on. While she doesn't see Ciarán, the sound of her voice is enough to start him obsessing!
With residents reeling from the news of Robbie's death (RIP Karl Shiels), Hayley is swaddled by the love of her family (and DI Yeats), while Carol shuns any support from her nearest and dearest. Ger lands back in Carrigstown, clearly obsessed with suddenly being a ma, while Tessa's stunned by Ciarán's deluded version of their family history. She's even more unnerved when he turns himself inside out at the thought of meeting his nephew. Does Ciarán know Emmet is Fionn's da? It doesn't take him long to figure it out. Meanwhile, Fiona offers to help with Paul's accounts (she has ulterior motives, obvs), and Cristiano returns!
There's a reason seasoned adulterers go to great lengths to have two separate phones... All it takes is one rogue text message to be read by an unsuspecting sort for an affair to be revealed. Luckily for Moira, it's Pete that finds his aunty's phone alone on the kitchen table - where she left it. But will he tell Cain? Unlikely. Who wants to be that messenger?! Meanwhile, Tracy finally finds out that Kerry was responsible for dad Frank's death and proper kicks off, to the point where she thinks she's killed the Geordie lass.
Ater agreeing to go on a date with Callum, Ben begins to wonder if it's a good idea after both Ian and Jay pass comment on his somewhat chequered dating history. So, with that in mind, the date doesn't exactly go smoothly. Then Callum's bigoted father arrives... Mel keeps pressure on Sharon re getting her a villa in Portugal, while Bex continues her descent into desolation at the prospect of Oxford. Elsewhere Dot arrives home - with Dotty...
Plaudits to Coronation Street for tackling the tricky subject of grooming once more, with Paul's plight taking front and centre this week. Paul confronts what was his step-dad and tries to kiss him - only to realise that Kel just liked him as a boy. Sarah arrives back from Milan and is horrified to hear that Ryan's been beaten up and Adam suspects Gary, while Asha's skin lightening cream addiction dawns on Dev.
Ros na Rún
Katy plays into Dee's hands, Michelle moves, and John Joe is hurt by Vince!