Soap of the week: EastEnders
Mel has been keeping something of a low profile of late, yeah? I'm asking as - try as I might to watch each stirring instalment from the confines of Walford - my partner and my general sense of well-being prevents me from doing so.
Life can be dour enough without loading random Mitchells or Slaters bellowing at each other of a tea time. Digression aside, Mel has been keeping a low profile (presumably) what with her son being in prison for killing her husband and her largely unleashing her rage by binging on white wine and vodka for about a week after Hunter's incarceration.
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But, what's this?! Hunter has broken out of prison? How did that happen (let the mind wander; it will result in the obvious). And where is he now? Well, he's where all of Walford's secrets are kept - a basement.
And he's at risk of being exposed... not just because he's riddled with wounds that require proper hardcore antibiotics, but also because Ben Mitchell has his beady on all 'fings Mel. He wants Lisa's number. To contact Louise, who recently fled with Keanu? Presumably?
Again, I don't know... Anyway, with Ben on Mel's case, it's only a matter of minutes before he's all over the situation. But what will he find? Handsome Hunter? Or will Mel concoct an escape plan avec medication before then? More pertinently, will Hunter EVER reap revenge on Jack Branning? Perhaps, if his mum has a pistol stashed somewhere. Hunter does love a gun, so he does...
This week in Soapland
Phoebe appears to have fallen foul of the classic teenage sink-hole of "GAWD, DAAHD, you don't know me or my boyfriend at all..." And, now, she feels pressurised into bedroom antics she's not comfortable with. Meanwhile, Will is making all the moves to disarm Mairead who's insistent the separation is happening. Hayley drops the deal with Mondo (well, he does want ALL her beloved Comet) and finds a new target in Paul, while Orla and Tessa join forces for the love of Eoghan, and Bela finds out that Charlie (Tom Jordan) has passed away while visiting family in Canada...
Despite Chantelle and Keegan trying to stop her, Bailey arranges a meeting with a medium, Shyanna, to try to contact the recently deceased Dina. Mick tries to get Callum excited about his stag night and inadvertently strikes the right level of glee by inviting Ben... Across the square, not everything's Rosie with Max and Ruby (it'll never get old), Mo tries flirting with Adrian Edmondson unaware he's waiting for Jean, and will a Mitchell help Mel get what's best for Hunter?!
Poor Eileen, she just can't get over yer man, Jan. Luckily for her, he gains access to her back door before informing her that he was a police informant - he's a good guy, really - and therefore wants her to jack in everything and run away with him to Amsterdam. Robert's lies continue with him telling Michelle her ring was robbed from his van - before Jed arrives. When a drunk Derek starts chatting up Sarah and telling Gary he's going to pocket the factory cash, the red mist descends upon Mr Windass...
It's the day of Frank's funeral, and with Megan unsure if she's going to attend, Tracy floors her by revealing the ring box she thinks Frank was retrieving from the factory when he was killed. Cain overhears Robert's conversation with his solicitor and says he won't lie to Aaron about his possible prison sentence. As a nervous Doug enjoys a joint outside the village hall, Charity is quick to accuse Dawn of smoking a spliff. Doug, dude, rookie mistake. Everyone does the illegals in the vicinity of the cricket palladium, you should know that, *tsks*.