Jim Jim Nugent on Fair City: 'Just like that one flute after a party... they just won't get the hint to clear off'
Welcome back to the storyline that's taking longer than connecting the Red Luas line to The Green one. Longer than it took Enda to step down. Longer than a really long piece of string - that's how long. You hear people say it's going to be over soon, you say to yourself "that's it, it's over tonight" and then it trundles on for yet another few days.
The Katy Kidnap storyline SHOULD be over but, just like that one flute after a party... they just won't get the hint to clear off no matter how loudly you start clearing up bottles in front of them. As Ciaran struggles with his pain in the back (from Katy stabbing him) we've all struggled with the pain in our arses (from sitting watching this for so long) waiting for her to get home. Waiting for her to see her parents again. Well, that wait continues.
Ciaran won't be wearing his giant backpack for a while now that Katy has stabbed him in the shoulder with his own tiny knife. You'd imagine the thoughts of free Taxi rides from her Da or the promise a bowl of her Ma's coddle would send her running home but nah, that can wait.
You see, Katy has caught a bit of the old Stockholm Syndrome (maybe we should call it The Carraigstown Condition). She has a soft spot for her captor Ciaran and his worried little face. If you bring a girl free Tayto for a year she'll do anything for you , or so it seems. Even though she's out of the box and now out of the flat she's now done a legger with him rather than go home. "It's over Katy" said Ciaran about four times. It isn't though. It really isn't.
Emmet escapes a protective Katy to round up a gang of angry heroes - Tommy & Eoghan... beggars can't be choosers. Anyone but Garda Deegan, the most unsuccessful TV cop of all time - Colombo he ain't. They take the law into their own hands and try to rescue Katy. "Don't be stupah" shouts Ciaran at the rescuers, not realising the irony of that statement.
"The clock is ticking" says the new lady detective (strangely wearing Dermot Fahy's Coat). It certainly is. Katy and Ciaran's getaway car breaks down near the RTÉ Radio Centre (ah, happy days) but Katy won't give up on him. It's like Bonnie & Clyde, only brutal.
"This is a living nightmare" says René. You're telling me. It's on again tomorrow night love.
Katy shouts at Ciaran in the closing line: "We've come too far not to do this right" while wearing the worst novelty wig I've ever seen. We've come too far alright.
We all just want to see her go home. Not for the emotional reunion with her family, but for her reaction to the scandal. She has so much scandal to hear about at home:
Her Ma Debbie has dumped her Da Eoghan and become another notch on Tommy Dillon's shovel. Paul and Niamh have had more flings than a frisbee competition..... And Her mild mannered neighbour Dermot Fahy (of the stolen coat) became the Walter White of accountants as his story became spookily similar to 'Breaking Bad'. Yes, Fair City is very like Breaking Bad... or 'Breaking REALLY Bad' might be more accurate.