Sunday 25 August 2019

Love Island 2019: Episode 36 - Belle rages against the 'banter', while Amber puts it on the table

The islanders await their fate on Love Island. PIC: ITV2
The islanders await their fate on Love Island. PIC: ITV2
Curtis and Maura on Love Island. PIC: ITV2
Curtis proposes to Maura on Love Island during the challenge. PIC: ITV2
Curtis kisses Francesca on Love Island, PIC: ITV2
Belle and Anton on Love Island. PIC: ITV2
Jordan, Michael and Anton on Love Island, PIC: ITV2
Amber literally pies Michael on Love Island. PUC: ITV2
Belle in the Beach Hut on Love Island. PIC: ITV2
Anton kisses Anna on Love Island. PIC: ITV
Francesca and Curtis on Love Island. PIC: ITV
Maura and Curtis on Love Island. PIC: ITV

Sheena McGinley

Belle obviously had some residual rage from the prior night's "shopkeeper baaaayntah" involving Anton as she proper went off during a game called 'Snog, Marry, or Pie' tonight. The most talked about show on TV, ladies and gennelmen.

While Anton didn't full on snog Anna (opting for a quick smooch), he did refer to her as "the best kisser in the Villa". He seemed to think Belle would be happy enough with a proposal, but it was a hard no from her. To put it another way, she channelled her inner moll, saying "Come at me wiv a ring, I f***ing dare yah." 

Others who took Snog, Marry or Pie for what it was– an opportunity to have a bit of a larf – included Amber, who pied Michael good and proper, while Maura snogged the FAAAYACE off Chris. As for the most wanted man in the Villa? Well, Curtis chose to snog current partner, Francesca (really, it was just a peck), while he thought it would be better to marry Maura. You sure, mate?

Maura attempted to pie Tommy, but the boxer shirked her attempts (along with the killer delivery of "I've dodged you once, I'll dodge you again"); Joanna and Curtis pied each other because of a scarring encounter with one of his testicles the previous day; while Anna "got pied left right and centre" from those gunning for revenge (Michael and Ovie) while pretty much everyone wanted to marry Amber (including Jordan. And Ovie. And Chris).

BELLE HAD A BEE IN HER BONNETT

If the Islanders thought things couldn't be more awks between Anton and Belle after the challenge, things went south spectacularly during the gang's impromptu (dumping) party at the 'Island Club'.

Anton kicked things off with: "I just wanted to express how I felt about you [in the challenge] and what I was going to say, if you had let me, is that there’s a lot of traits I can see in you that I could see as wife material... But you shut me down straight away and that is the most embarrassed I’ve ever felt in my life.”

Hold on to yisser pants, Anton, because it was about to become FAR more embarrassing.

Responding, beautician Belle said "If you’re sitting there saying that I possess a lot of qualities of someone that you want to marry, why are you kissing someone else? I don’t care if it’s a challenge. I don’t find that funny." Yikes...

Anton thought it best to immediately lance his losses and bid a hasty retreat, but that didn't stop Belle doing an ode to Dame Bassey, bellowing "I YAAAAM WHAT I YAAAAAAAAHAHAAAM!"

In short: Belle shaved your arse. You owe her big time.

AMBER PUTS IT ON THE TABLE

Just in case Michael was in any doubt whatsoever, Amber decided to be entirely upfront and said the following while, well, sitting perched on a table. "I just wanted to put it on the table. Chris coming in has made me realise even more how much we did have a good thing. I know we had our issues, but I feel like if I had have handled it better if I had been more open with you we wouldn’t be at this point right now because I think that we did have a good thing going. I still do like you, I can’t switch my feelings off. I know it took me a long time to say it but when I did say that I liked you, it was real… That’s all I wanted to say.”

Amber may not be able to switch off her feelings, but Michael doesn't have any issues in that regard. Earlier in the evening, when Joanna confronted him (again) regarding any latent feelings for Amber, she admitted she was troubled by A) the lingering looks he gives her and B) "the fact that you can turn your feelings off so quickly." And, yet, Michael claims he "feels literally nothing" for Amber anymore. Well, stop ogling her sumptuous posterior then, fellah.

PREDICTABLE FLACK ATTACK

True, she did sidle up in a Porche to an entirely different venue, and yet there was still no escaping the slow-mo. Just as the Islanders were told by producers to party like it's 1999, Caroline entered to cull the mood and inform all assembled that the (UK) public had been voting for their favourite couple with two up for the boot.

Those two couples were Michael & Joanna and Jordan & Anna...  As ever, the Islanders had to decide which couple to send home.

DUMPING CONDENSED

Maura & Christ sent home... Michael & Joanna

Belle & Anton sent home... Anna & Jordan (because he's in love with Michael)

Amber & Ovie sent home... Joanna & Michael

Curtis & Francesca sent home... Jordan & Anna

Molly Mae & Tommy sent home... Joanna & Michael

So, with Anton's tears fast filling up the nightclub at the prospect of losing his 'boy" and fellow "CHALDISH" barometer, Michael, Caroline came across with the inevitable clanger. Only one of them was being sent home.

TONIGHT’S TAKEAWAYS

• Whenever any woman stands up for themselves, Michael's response is "very immature" and/or  "CHALDISH"

• Joanna clearly didn't pick up on the cringeathon after she discussed their phantom kids' preferred brand of back pack, because she then started talking about marriage and large rocks...

• Producers will stop at nothing to keep in pivotal characters...

OVERALL VIBE...

TOMORROOOW NIIIIIGHTAAAAAH...

We'll see which one was sent home (Joanna) Unless producers pull what they did last year with Sam and Georgia; invite them both to leave as a couple or stay as singletons...

Love Island continues on Virgin Media Two and ITV2.

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