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The Soapbox: Secrets and spoilers from the soap world

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TV3 will be losing Emmerdale from its schedule.

TV3 will be losing Emmerdale from its schedule.

TV3 will be losing Emmerdale from its schedule.

Rogue raids, ill-fated false lashes and awkward teen liaisons .

Emmerdale: Wouldn't it be handy if Ali and Ruby got custody of Archie? But Jai is having none of it, so local solicitor, Rakesh, is only thrilled to lend Ali a hand. He also announces he'd done some digging on the murdered girl… is it Rachel? Robert gets the rage when Nicola lands the estate manager job, so he asks Ross and Aaron to set up a raid at Home Farm, resulting in Lawrence getting quite the bop on the head.

Corrie: There's poor Anna, innocently giving Tim a reading lesson, when Sally bursts in demanding what they're up to. There's even clothes chucked from an upstairs window. Steve continues with his new life purpose - avoiding Michelle. He heads to the Bistro for a load of cocktails rather than help her with the hoedown. Next thing he'll be buying a dodgy sports car and asking Steph if she wants to go for a spin… seriously. Ayla lands the trainee manager job at the 'factray' - expect to see Kylie fiddling awkwardly with wraps again as Callum gives her more speed, and Dev gets the proper hots for Julie after Mary suffers a mishap with some false eyelash glue. Fair City: It's like a puppet convention in Carrigstown. Callum - not being a huge fan of his 'mudder' - dupes Jane into helping Dermot after being approached by Zoe. Yvonne's also busy pulling Dan and Carol's strings after she cops they've been having it away behind her back. Louise decides to break up with Decco via text, cause she's sound like that. Both are secretly relieved - as are we. NEVER bought them as a couple. Speaking of which, Doug asks Ama out.

EastEnders: The following love quadrangle is even ridiculous by 'Enders standards. Ben is about to put the moves in on Johnny when Abi arrives, so Ben instead calls Johnny a load of names, which results in him being beaten up by Johnny's brother, Lee. Then, somehow, Ben ends up wearing the face off Abi. It's like the time Ben slept with Lola to see if he was gay. At least Abi's not his cousin. Ros na Run: After weeks of no contact, Berni decides to confront Cathal and find out where their relationship stands. Bless. Sheena McGinley is an editor at entertainment.ie

Irish Independent