Monday 23 April 2018

The Chelsea Crowd - the stars of reality TV

Binky Felstead.
Binky Felstead.
Spencer Matthews
Jamie Laing
Lucy Watson

Pat Fitzpatrick

As Barry Egan talks to Nicola Hughes about life on 'Made in Chelsea', we have a look at some other stars on the reality-TV show


Your problem is you don't have a posh name. You hear the name Binky and assume that, somewhere down the line, there was an ancestor called Baron Bertrand 'Iggy' Von Foxhunter. Your most illustrious relation is uncle Jerry. He was chairman of the Credit Union for three years in a row. The only thing he ever hunted was a bargain. Binky is regarded as being the most down-to-earth of the posh stars on Made in Chelsea. That's up there with being the best singer in Jedward. #Notacompliment


A lot of people were surprised when Spencer agreed to appear on I'm a Celebrity . . . Get Me Out of Here! It must have been a comedown for a posh lad like Spencer to appear on a show with ordinary little people. Or, as some people call them, Ant and Dec. You'll often see Spencer described in the media as a lothario. That's the name we give to a posh sex-pest. We also give him our phone number, in the hope he might bring us to Miami for the weekend. Sure you only live once.


Jamie is heir to the McVitie's biscuit fortune. They made him his own special biscuit. It's called Super Rich Tea. It's a cracker! No it isn't! What? Presumably the rest of the posh nobs think Jamie's family is dead common for making their fortune in commerce. As against butchering god-fearing Irish lads back in the 17th Century and robbing their land. Relax, you can say that stuff again because it's the 1916 centenary year. Tiocfaidh ar la.


Mark-Francis Vandelli is actually posher than not knowing how to drive. We're not talking Irish posh here. That reaches its upper limit at someone with a quasi-Norman name like FitzNorbert, who couldn't possibly locate Croke Park on a map. Mark-Francis frequently gives out to his live-in housekeeper in Italian. We've tried giving out to our live-in housekeeper in Italian, but the wife hasn't a clue what we're saying. You'd really miss Les Dawson, wouldn't you?


Lucy got involved in an internet craze where people post photos of themselves mimicking their cat. It's called #copycatting. Loads of other celebs got involved. These are the people we're supposed to look up to. Joey Essex did it too. He's the thick one on The Only Way is Essex, and that's saying something. Mind you, Joey is also a millionaire. So who's thick in all of this? (Put down your hand. It's a rhetorical question.)

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