Friday 20 July 2018

Marty Morrissey will win and 19 other things that will inevitably happen on this season's DWTS

RTE’s Marty Morrissey and Ksenia Zsikhotska during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars.
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RTE’s Marty Morrissey and Ksenia Zsikhotska during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix
Kirsty Blake Knox

Kirsty Blake Knox

We've survived the first episode and for the next 11 weeks RTE’s shiny floor juggernaut show Dancing with The Stars will be completely unavoidable.

You’ll try to ignore it, but eventually the DWTS team will wear you down — with their spangled costumes and iron-fist PR push.

And before you know it you’re waiting with baited breath for Marty Morrissey to do the Salsa to Despacio.

RTÉ has promised that this year will be bigger, better and glitzier than ever.

 

But here are some things we can be certain will happen.

 

l Marty Morrissey will win. There is no way he will not win. Even if Fred Astaire rose from the dead and participated on the show, Marty would win.

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RTE’s Marty Morrissey and Ksenia Zsikhotska during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

 

l For the next 12 weeks, The Late Late Show/ Ray D’Arcy Show guest list will rotate between the contestants of DWTS, the cast of Striking Out, the judges of DWTS, the cast of Striking Out, the dancers on DWTS, and John Creedon.  On Saturday night we already had judges Loraine Barry and Brian Redmond 'sharing their thoughts with Ray about the show this season'. 

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Judge Loraine Barry during the Final of RTE’s Dancing with the stars. (picture: Kyran O'Brien)

 

l Amanda and Nicky will have more terrible, terrible scripted banter. They’re no Tess and Claudia, that’s for sure.

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Amanda Byram and Nicky Byrne during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

 

l Norah Casey will dance to the theme tune of 1973 Bruce Lee film Enter the Dragon, or Sisqo’s ‘Unleash the Dragon’.

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Norah Casey and Anna Geary during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

 

l Thalia Heffernan and Ryan McShane will remind us once again that they are DWTS true love’s dream.

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Thalia Heffernan and Ryan McShane, together but dancing to a different tune. Photo: David Conachy

 

l All of the contestants will complain about how time consuming the show is.

 

l All of them will lose weight.

DWTS contestant Norah Casey on training regime: 'I’m already a stone lighter and I’m almost an inch taller'

 

l Jake Carter will wear inappropriately tight trousers.

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Singer and Brother of Nathan Jake Carter and Karen Byrne during the opening show of RTE’s Dancing with the Stars. kobpix

 

l His brother Nathan will perform.

 

l RTÉ will realise the benefits of asking the siblings of famous people to be on reality shows.

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Erin McGregor and Ryan McShane

 

l Louis Walsh will continue to point out the lack of celebrities in the line up. “They are not even celebrities in their own homes,” he said last year. Louis’ opinions are unbiased and definitely have nothing to do with the fact that he has a rival show Ireland’s Got Talent airing on TV3.

 

l There will be a movie-themed night and Marty Morrissey will go as a Porg from Star Wars.

 

l Erin McGregor’s time on the show will be short but eventful. She will leave early because she is from Dublin and Dubliners don’t vote.

 

l Before she leaves Conor McGregor and his baby CJ will arrive at Ardmore flanked by security and wearing matching shiny Spanish trousers.

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Conor McGregor makes his way to a press conference following the fight. Photo: Stephen McCarthy/Sportsfile

 

l Dancing Dessie will return for one night only.

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Dessie and Karen on Dancing With the Stars

 

l Anna Geary will work a camogie into a dance routine. In much the same way that Teresa Mannion was swanning about with an umbrella.

 

l All of the contestants will talk far too earnestly about ‘the journey’ they have all been part of. And how much they love their fellow contestants.

 

l The following Irish celebrities will casually mention to the press that they would be more than willing to take part in the 2019 show; Rory Cowan, Lorraine Keane, and any Irish influencer you can think of. 

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Lorraine Keane

 

l There will be a sequin-related injury. A Roundel will end up in someone’s eye, mark my words.

 

l Nicky will be asked once again if a Westlife reunion is on the cards.

 

l RTÉ and Shinawil will act like they themselves devised the format, instead of nicking it off the Beeb.

Fake tan, dad dancing and Marty's party: Ten things we learned from Dancing With The Stars

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