Weeeellll, you would have doubts, wouldn't you? He told Jordan to crack on with India before having a proper chat with "girlfriend" Anna. So irked was Maura she slept on the daybeds with Anna.
Renewed from spending a solid eight hours outdoors being nibbled by allsorts, Anna thanked Maura for spending the night with her (not to mention letting her know of Jordan's intentions) before saying: "I'm not gonna let him get me down." How's that for positivity, hah?
While Jordan is effectively dead to Anna, the same can't be said for Curtis. When he came simpering over, "apologising" for giving Jordan "that advice", Anna responded in typically astute form: "I don’t know if you’re a good person. A good person would never tell someone to do that to their other half. Do you not care about me one tiny bit? I’ve been living with you for two months." ZING.
As for when Jordan sloped on by to say "sorry for not talking to you before India", Anna was quick to correct him: “You shouldn’t have pulled me first. You shouldn’t have asked me to be your girlfriend! You shouldn’t have lied to me for the past three weeks." And that was just for starters...
As Jordan's life choices dominoed around the Villa, Maura and Curtis managed to have a proper catch up beyond "I'M P*SSED OFF WIH' YA! In a bid to cover himself, Curtis – like most of the original male line up from 2019 – tried to infer Maura was overreacting, saying "All I wanted to do was talk to you and get your opinion." And as if anyone worth their salt wouldn't let a friend know their fella was an almighty so-'n-so
Are Curtis and Maura going to last? Well, considering Curtis thinks Jordan was "brave" for butting his neb in where it wasn't wanted, while Maura sees it as "cheating", it's unlikely. Shame. They could've been a contender couple for the £50K had he not repeatedly proved himself to be something of a shifty sort. Then again, this could still happen...
SEVEN BABIES AND A BUCKET HAT
Imagine the horror. Waking up at an ungodly hour, with something screaming from the next room... welcome to parenting – FOR A DAY. Anna, naturally, bestowed all the parental duties on Jordan, because – well – it's the very least he deserves.
All we really want to know is what did they call their little bundles of plastic? Here you go... soak them in, it speaks volumes about them as couples
• India and Ovie: Raymond Junior... who's Raymond senior, you say? Ovie's dad
• Curtis and Maura: Bella... they have rellies with the same name
• Molly-Mae and Tommy: Tommy Junior (TJ)... traditionalists
• Chris and Harley: Penny-Sue Tinkerbell... "quirky"
• Anton and Belle: Valentino... classy
• Amber and Greg: Kobe... sounds like her dog's name, but not quite her dog's name
• Jordan: Jordania... typically narcissistic
Who was the best at keeping an inanimate object appeased? Tommy & Molly-Mae and Ovie & India were joint winners. But – get this – Amber and Greg didn't pass?! He pulled out the stops for the child!
TO THE DOUBLE DUMPING...
No surprises here, really; Anna & Jordan plus Chris & Harley were dumped (Curtis and Maura were left hanging 'til the last minute, mind). Shame as we could've done with keeping in one half of each couple. Below are snippets from each exit interview...
HARLEY: Does anyone truly care? Probably not and I have a word count to consider.
CHRIS: *Summink quirky*, although he did also say "Tommy and Molly-Mae are definitely going to win!" As for him and Harley? "It could be a thing." Chris, given how Twitter is lamenting your loss, you won't be short of suitors
ANNA: "The moment when Jordan asked me to be his girlfriend was a great moment at that time and when we all jumped in the pool after, it was so fun... I have no regrets with who I coupled up with. With Ovie, I just didn’t fancy him in that way. I can appreciate that he is a good-looking guy but when I got to know him a bit better and I spent more time with him, I just wasn’t attracted to him." As for Jordan? "I’m so disappointed in him and I’m hurt by him. I’m shocked. I don’t have anger towards him,
if anything I feel sorry for him."
JORDAN: What was the best thing? "The Craig David night was sick!" Any regrets? "I have zero regrets whatsoever." Most challenging thing: "No music!"
Man's got some growing up to do.
• Curtis saying "He only just had these feelings now". NO. EXCUSE.
• First he said "And what was your thought process behind that" to Curtis, then he picked up that baby half asleep...
• Ovie being so calm with Jordan, all things considered...
It's 2019, and yet some people still seem put out by women standing up for themselves. The girls in there have been nothing short of inspirational this year. Class. Couldn't be prouder.
No idea; the show overran by 16 minutes so no teaser tonight, lads!