Thursday 22 August 2019

Love Island 2019: Episode 11 sees certain girls expose themselves...

Maura Higgins on Love Island. PIC: ITV
Maura Higgins on Love Island. PIC: ITV

Sheena McGinley

"Tammy's shoulders... Tammy's stahrtin' to sweat now an' it's actually tuhrnin' me on..." Yep. It's relentless. AND WE LOVE IT. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Ireland are simultaneously cringing and cheering at Maura's antics. Well, tis the Irish condition, t'isnt it; wanting to celebrate ourselves but being too crippled with embarrassment to do so. And then there is Maura Higgins... If only we could all just have 5pc of her joie de vivre.

OK, so there are quite a lot of folks on twitter saying she's 28 and she's hounding a 20-year-old "to get frisky under the covers", but the overall majority are like, WHOOOOT, ZERO F*****CKS!!!" Love her, loathe her "FANNY FLUH-HERS!", she makes cracking TV.

SPA DAY

Hurrah! Anton was given the opportunity to have someone else do his threading instead of hounding Elma for a going over in the brow department! Really, though, the boys were clearly removed by producers just so the girls could start sniping at each other. Either way, there was quite the excitement.

The main topic of conversation at said SPA? Molly's meltdown, which mostly involved claiming Tommy for the first time since she's been in there. Speaking of Molly-Mae's meltdown; the timing of it is somewhat misfortunate considering a recoupling is looming. I mean, who would you want to recouple with – someone chill like Yewande? Or someone who was heard yelling "I want a boy in my life who worships the ground I walk on!”

"AN EVEN BIGGER SHIFT"...

That was Danny's take on proceedings while they were off smearing clay and cucumber over their faces. As soon as the male energy departed, Amy started... "Right, so all the boys go off, we get some girl bonding time – what does she do? Go and put her gym gear on." Elma, being a simple sort, said, "Maybe she just doesn't like gels?" Or maybe Lucie's merely availing of a pheromone-free gym space? Or maybe she knew Molly-Mae and Maura would start having a go at each other and couldn't be bothered?

Maybe you should sling on your gym gear too Amy and whip up a sweat with your bessie mate instead of just mithering that she's not lolling on a bed, talking (yet more) sh*te and mining for "DRA-MA."

Given the convoluted pettiness and possessiveness on display, is it any wonder Lucie prefers hanging out with boys? It's not a crime to appreciate the definitive straightforwardness of male companionship.

At the end of their "chat", Amy said "let's draw a line under it and move on tomorrow" – as long as Lucie adheres to an adolescent perception of what a relationship should be.

TONIGHT'S TAKEAWAYS

• Curtis needs to recouple because Amy is negating ANY chance of him winning a wedge of cash. But, of course, he's in there for love. Like they all are *tumbleweeds*

• Maura needs to wind it back just a smidge to avoid being percieved as full on sex-pestie (understatement)

• Twitter is falling in love with Michael and Amber even more

• THIS

OVERALL CONSENSUS...

TOMORROW NIIIIIGHT... Nothing's happening because, on Saturdays, the producers seemingly set the Islanders free for the day, so you need to wait 'til Sunday night for your next fix. Don't worry, Ian Sterling presents Love Island: Best Bits (from the week) on Saturday and you even get to see him in his little booth. Enjoy!

Love Island returns to Virgin Media Two and ITV2 Sunday at 9pm.

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